Smoke Rings in the Dark (Reader x Various)

Stay

Kami, please, I beg you... I can't lose her.

I sat on the floor of the store, just outside the back room where Amai lay. My back was to the shelf, knees were drawn up and head hung between them. My hands held my neck as I fought the tears away. Omi had kicked all of us out once Y/n collapsed after her outburst. The sound of her voice was so broken. The look in her e/c eyes was one of a lost soul. My mind is all over the place as I replay her words in my head. As I lifted her from the floor and to the cot, she seemed so small and fragile, nothing like the woman who I first met.

I just wanted her to stay.

But she ran. And ran. And ran.

She came back.

Is that why she's in the shape she's in? Was she punished for wanting to leave? Was she caught trying to sneak away? What was the cost of her coming back to me? Would she stay this time? Or would she walk away from me again?

She's here.

And I'll keep her here. Dammit to hell, I'll prove to her that she can stay here. We can make this work... We? What are we? Who are we? Who am I? I may not have defected from my village but I still ran away. I ran away because I was unhappy. I ran away to prove a point. I ran away, a grown-ass man because I didn't get my way.

Amai... she didn't run away. She stood strong and held the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was abandoned at every turn and yet she took these children under her wing. She was beaten, beaten, for showing loyalty and emotions, but she kept doing it. Until our lives were threatened, she continued to take whatever punishment was delivered in order to follow through on her promises. Her strength is admirable. Her beauty is breathtaking.

She'll fight me. Every step of the way.

I can't deny I love her, but how will all of this work? Truly? Omi said she'd live here, but will Y/n accept that? I doubt she'd be willing to live with me. She was independent before, but now? I just want her to wake up again. I need to hear her voice. I need to see those beautiful e/c eyes sparkle again. I need to feel her touch.

A medical-nin is coming, hold on, Amai, please.

The Kiri kanji carved into her face was angry, red, and inflamed. As her tears fell, the red mingled with the salty liquid and it was as though her tears were that of blood. An Angel sent to this world to watch over us had been broken.

Omi's voice rang in my head:

If she returns, what then?

You hardly know the woman.

I understand you love her, but what is it you love about her?

I'm not saying I don't want her to return, I'm just being realistic.

She was trying to be my voice of reason, I never listened. I had started to lose hope. I had started to think my heart had learned to beat without the thought of her. My mind had managed to think of things aside from her. The moment I saw Mako, the facade began to crack. When my eyes landed on her tattered form, the facade had broken completely. When her tears fell, her voice cracked and she screamed at me, the facade fell away.

I'll never love anyone as I love her.

Himiko had taken Haruka upstairs and to bed. Mako stood across from me. I knew his eyes were focused on me, I could feel him questioning my reaction. I should be telling him she'll be alright, that she'd stay. I couldn't find the words though. Waiting for this damn medical-nin was the longest wait of my life. I just wanted her to be okay. I wanted to know what happened. Every second she was gone.

What happened, Amai?

"The villager called out to her," Mako's voice was hushed, "he says she collapsed the second her eyes found him. She was dressed in pants and bindings on her chest, nothing more." I lifted my head, elbows to my knees, and hands-on my neck still. "The water lily was in the waist of her pants. Omi and Himiko cleaned her up while I went to request the medical-nin, then find you." His eyes were focused on the door she lay behind and I could see the admiration he held for the woman. "I don't want to lose someone else." He finally admitted.

I pursed my lips as I racked my brain for what to say, "I can't promise she'll stay, Mako," he finally looked down at me, "but she'll survive this. In her heart she knew she wanted to be here, with you and your sisters, so she'll survive. She looked after you three even after the crap hand she was dealt in life. She'll keep taking care of you, as long as she can." The boy smiled lightly and I returned the gesture.

He shook his head lightly, "She didn't come here for me, you big idiot," I frowned, "I know you gave her that water lily. I also saw you two kissing-" he puffed his cheeks and a blush dusted his cheeks, "she's back, that's all that matters. We'll worry about getting her to stay later."

I chuckled lightly, "Pretty damn smart for a kid," he snorted but didn't argue with me. "She'll be proud of what you've done while she's been gone, Mako. I'm proud of what you've done." I moved quickly onto my feet and pulled the boy into a hug. I saw the tears before I heard the soft sob.

"She's back," he cried, "she can't go again," he wailed, "I don't want to lose her again." His hands gripped the side of my shirt tightly. His tears soaked the front but I didn't pull away.

My hand on his head, I said, "She always kept her promises, Mako, and she promised she'd come back. She's here," he stepped back and rubbed his eyes on his sleeve, "now we just have to get her to promise to stay." Mako smiled wide and Asuma did the same.

The door behind us opened and we both moved to see Omi step out. The old woman looked exhausted and drained. "She's resting comfortably," her voice was weak, "she has a fever and she's pretty delirious, so I gave her some meds to help her sleep. She woke up again," her eyes lifted and she looked at me, "she asked for you," a stern finger was lifted as she pointed at me, "I'm coming in after five minutes. She's not likely to remember anything even if she wakes up."

I nodded, "I'll be right back," I kept my face neutral as I walked into the room but I couldn't help but smile when I heard Omi speak again.

"Off to bed, ya runt," she quipped.

Mako retorted, "I'm no runt!" It was a loud whisper, "I'll wait until he's finished-"

"You can see her in the morning," her tone was much softer this time. As I heard Mako sigh, I closed the door and stood still as I watched Y/n.

Her chest rose and fell, soft breaths leaving her. Her cheeks were flushed, a rag on her head. The water lily was on the table beside her, dirt and blood still coating it. I walked over and nearly fell to my knees as the tears finally slid free. I wasn't sure of the last time I had cried, likely when my mother was killed during the war. Y/n didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve whatever hell she had been put through.

She did it for me.

Was that true? Was this all because she fought to get away and return to me? Was I to blame for the shape she was in? Was I the one she would blame? I would certainly blame myself if it was true.

Will you forgive me?

My hand brushed her hair while I pressed my forehead to her shoulder. Her scent was the same, water and lavender. I heard the door crack, signally me that my time was up. I rose to my feet and kissed her lips gently. "I love you, Amai," I whispered before pulling away.

As I passed Omi, she spoke, "Don't think too much," I turned my head to look at her, though she looked to Y/n, "she won't blame anyone but herself. She won't even blame the monster that did this to her. I'd suggest you give her time, she may not want to talk about her time away, Asuma," Omi looked at me, "you forget she's a trained killer, she'll likely hate herself for whatever she had to do to get back here."

A knew she was right, "I'll share her burden," Omi seemed surprised by my words, "I'll take the blame for whatever she's done. I'm the one that asked her to come back. And I'm the one that'll ask her to stay."