One Wish

CHAPTER 31

  I just sit there on the ground - on my knees and leaning on my hands so I wouldn't fall. "What have I done...?" I whisper to myself. Tears start to form in my eyes. "What have I done? Why did I say that to her?" Without knocking Saeran opens the door. "Now you really messed up," in a very disgusted tone, "I'll see MC off and then we will talk." He then closes the door and walks away. Now I really start to cry. She'll now hate me forever. I would hate a person who'd tell me they don't care about me.

I just cry there until Saeran returns and comes in. I sit back on my heels and he sits on my bed. He looks at me pathetically. He then whispers, "What. The heck. Happened?" I look down, "I-I don't know. I just... I couldn't keep it inside of me anymore." "You couldn't keep inside the fact that you don't like her?" "No!! You know that I love her! It was an accident. If she would've said that she'd want to help me, I would've answered with a I don't need your help or something. I didn't mean to say that. Just.. Arg... Why do I have to feel like this??" I start to cry again. "It's good that you feel that way towards someone. It shows that you have feelings and that you're a human." "Yeah, but it hurts so much. I feel like my insides are all going to burst if this keeps up."

Saeran looks at me for a moment and then takes a deep breath. "Then, how about, yoU TELL HER ABOUT YOUR PAST?!" Saeran screams. Oh no, Saeran's gonna have an attack. "Calm down, Saeran. It's okay-" "NO IT'S NOT OKAY!! SHE WAS RIGHT. YOU KEEP WHINING ABOUT HOW HARD YOUR LIFE IS, BUT YOU NEVER ASK FOR HELP!!" "Calm down, calm dow-" Saeran stands up and stomps in front of me. "NO, YOU CALM DOWN! CAN'T YOU TELL IT TO AT LEAST ONE PERSON? IF YOU'D DO THAT, YOU WOULD FINALLY CALM THE F**K DOWN AND STOP MOPING AROUND ALL THE TIME." "Please stop it...!" and I stand up to try to push him on my bed, but he fights back. "DON'T TOUCH ME AND LET ME FINISH! I'VE TOLD YOU THOUSANDS OF TIMES THAT YOU SHOULD TELL HER, BECAUSE YOU CAN TRUST HER! AND WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU SAID YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT HER RIGHT TO HER FACE!"

I finally manage to get him on my bed and while he's still yelling at me, I knock him unconscious. I take my phone and text Rika about what happened right away. I sit on my bed and watch Saeran. His face is peaceful now. I ruffle his hair and go to my computer to work for the time being. This helped me forget about MC.

After a while Saeran gets up. "What happened...?" "You got violent again." "Oh, I yelled a lot, huh? My throat is sore." "You didn't yell out that loud. I silenced you pretty early." He sighs, "Sorry, if I hurt you in any way. What did I yell?" I chuckle, "Well, I thought about it and actually you were telling me the truth." Saeran looks confused.

We then hear running coming towards my room and then some desperate knocking. "Luciel, are you there? Where's Saeran?" It's obviously Rika. I open the door for her and tell her everything that happened, not the topic we were talking about though. "I see, what were you talking about?" "Umm... Uhh..." "I have been suggesting Luciel to talk about his past with his best friend, but he hasn't listened to me... until now I guess..." says Saeran bluntly.

"Oh, really?" "Well, I can't do it now... We got in a bit of a fight earlier..." "How come?" "He 'accidentally' said to her that he doesn't care about her," Saeran says bluntly again. "It was an accident! I didn't mean to!" Rika then shakes her head, "Luciel, you know that we are encouraging you to do this. Some of the details have to stay a secret, but everybody's free to know your true self. Don't forget that we'll still be here and I'm sure that friend won't leave you either."

"Yeah, alright, I'll tell her when we make up." "Yes, it's better to stay on good terms with people. If you need any help with that, I'm always a phone call away." I nod. Saeran then says, "I think he needs it this time," and walks out of the room. "Is that so?" I look away. "You said your friend was a girl. Is she more than a friend to you?" I start to blush, "How did you know?" "I can see it on your face, Luciel." she chuckles.

"Well, yeah...I love her, but... well that's sort of why we got into a fight," I sit down on my chair, "I've hinted it to her like thousands of times and she doesn't get it. Everyone else does, but not her. She came here today to ask me what's wrong with me all of a sudden and then... yeah..." Rika sits down on my bed and thinks for a moment. "Perhaps you're saying it in a wrong way. She might think that you're just joking and doesn't mind it." "How do others get it then?" "They've known you for a long time and know you wouldn't joke about that." I curl into a ball and hide my face in my knees.

"I suggest you try to talk to her in another manner. Be more serious or even desperate when you talk about this with her." I nod. "We have all told you more than enough times, that you can't hide behind your mask forever. At some point she will realize you are faking it and the consequences might be worse." I sigh and nod. "I know you'll do the right thing, Luciel." There's a silence between us. I should say something, but I don't know what. "I'll go and see how Saeran is doing. Maybe he wants to talk to me too." She then stands up and walks out of the room.

They're right though. I will never get better when I try to do this on my own. Maybe I should tell her... She will find out about Saeran then too though. I wonder how she will react to this. I get a notification. A chatroom is open. She will probably not accept my apology right now, so I'll tell her tomorrow... Tomorrow... Somehow... I don't know how...

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