I have many hobbies but none I'm very good at. I'm always mediocre in the things I do and achieve. There's nothing I excel at. The annoying thing is that whatever you do, whatever you create, someone will always be better. Be more talented, have better ideas, make more effort.
For example, I like to cook but every time I finish, my plate looks like a dog threw up on it. When I make a drawing everything looks fine except for that one eye that makes my character into an alien. When I write a story it's a great plot and great characters but my writing style is super flat. When I sing it sounds fine but not amazing. When I play guitar my hands are too small to get every chord right.
Maybe it's because I have so many, I can't focus on just one. I know practice makes perfect but how much do you need to practice to get the perfect drawing? Or the most delicious dish? A beautiful voice? I don't know because I never tried working every day on something.
My creative mind is explosive sometimes and it needs an outlet. That's why I have so many hobbies, also a lot of DIY projects. I never seem to finish or get better at them but it makes me happy, passionate. The only hobby that never goes wrong is reading since you don't need talent for it.
I believe that you can learn anything as long as you love what you do and practice it. But every skill also needs a little talent, a talent you're born with. Like a beautiful voice, or to have a steady hand to draw perfectly. Sometimes I feel like I don't have any. That I'm meant to be mediocre forever. I should accept it because if I want more I should work harder, but why is there nothing in my life that goes effortless?
And if it takes effort, is it natural to do that thing? Like, aren't we meant to do what we're good at and not force ourselves to be better? I feel like everyone does literally that. Why do we want to be the best at something? And if we can't, try to be better all the time? Why can't we accept we are good enough as we are?
We don't need to be better or the best. We need to be happy and focus on the things that don't take effort. For me, that's not trying too hard on my hobbies and just love what I do. I'm not trying to be better at those things. I'll just do them, better or worse. Not getting that pressure makes my life a whole lot easier. But I'm also human and sometimes get jealous of people who are super talented in what they do. They work hard yes, but it would take less effort for them than it would take for me. It feels like it's unfair or something.
It shouldn't feel like that. We should accept we can't do better. That this is who we are. But sometimes it's just hard to not try. It confuses me because why is that the way we work? Why do we always try so hard?
