Tightrope

This Is Kind Of Dumb

"So, you and Hartley weren't dry humping on the floor of your room?" is what Liv asked over dinner that night.

The first time I'd asserted that 'this isn't want it looks like', I'd been met with a chorus of 'oh totally', and 'yeah, sure'. After Jace and Daria had left, the former wearing a triumphant grin and the latter a pleased smile, the relentless teasing had begun.

"You were definitely about to make out," said Austin. He turned to my parents, "They were definitely about to make out."

"I don't really want to hear what my daughter is getting up to, actually." Dad punctured a slice of tomato with his fork. "Especially with Jace Hartley, who I, uh, very much don't like. What a rotten boy!"

My parents did not understand my vehement refusal to jump off the I-Hate-Jace train. He was extremely polite to adults—and like, everyone but me—and was therefore beloved by all. It probably helped that Dad used to play football for the Saints, and Jace was hoping to do the same. He wasn't quite as good as Kaelin's boyfriend, Julian, but he was certainly in the mix to be drafted next year. Mum just loved him because he had been liberal with his compliments since he was a child.

When a four-year-old says, "Thank you for having me, Eliza, is there anything I can do to help out?" at a kindergarten birthday party (my parents had refused to let me invite every kid except for one, so, unfortunately, Jace had come), it makes an impression.

He had been kissing ass since kindergarten.

Still, despite his appreciation of Jace Hartley and secret belief that he was the best, I appreciated that Dad pretended to be all aboard my train of hatred in solidarity. Good parents support their children's interests. 

Mum did not share the same sentiment. "I want to know everything," she said. "Please date Jace, honey. He's such a lovely boy."

"If lovely is the new word for evil, you're not wrong."

Dad laughed. "Yeah, Eliza. He's evil." Then his brows furrowed in concern. "I am a little worried, though. Did the fall hurt your leg?

"No," I said grumpily. "I wish. Then I could sue him."

"You're so lovely," Mum said. "I'm so blessed to have such a kind and generous daughter."

"Ha. Ha."

After Jace and I had been found on the floor together—fighting, as I had explained countless times—the posse of delighted assholes in the doorway had bombarded us with questions. Kaelin kept mouthing angry spark and punctuated her point, just in case I didn't pick up on it, with exaggerated firework hand motions.

She'd also posted the picture of us to her Instagram story with a poll, asking "Do Jace and Lena want to bang?". Unfortunately, she'd only provided the options of yes, and yes in red, so I couldn't gauge the public response. I had, however, received a hoarde of messages from my classmates.

Cady: Told you. Please tell me you let him do unspeakable things to you and PLEASE tell me it was good.

Jessica from English class: Hatred was really unresolved sexual tension? I can see it

Jonah: pls get ur chef to make me a snack 4 tmr. don't feel like making my own.

Chance: ????

Alex: ??!?!

Jonah: also pls come wake me up & force me out of bed 4 schl. mum says she will make me get up at 6 if i am late again. i will be late if u do not help bc my alarm makes me hate life. and if I wake at 6 i will probably die. allergic to morning sun.