Royal Deception

chapter thirty

Life was tense and the days kept on moving . My mother and I spoke less and my cravings increased. My feet were often swollen  and morning sickness was my newly accustomed friend.

I was sad , depressed but on most days my greatest emotion was anger .

I was mad at myself for being so stupid,  mad at this baby for inconveniencing me though I already loved it now. Mad at fate for not choosing a different path for me . Mad at that idiot named Carter for leaving me. Mad at myself again at having been involved with Carter .

"You look like death" my mother commented once she had entered the living room.

But I kept quiet.

"Did something happen that changed you emotionally?"

I painfully ignored her .

"Speak to me my child"

Then finally I broke.

"I'm pregnant " I fired the bomb.

She stopped in her tracks halfway through the room. Gasping , holding onto the wall.

"Tell me you're lying" she said with no emotion

"I'm pregnant mother" I said more seriously "and I'm sorry"

She let out a low scowl and lines formed on her forehead.

"Tell me you're lying" she repeated with glassy eyes. I didnt want to see her cry.

"I wish I was I really do but I'm not" I whispered

"Why!" She fumed. I had never seen her this angry.

"Why! didnt I raise you well?" She questioned tears already falling.

I wasnt going to reply her atleast not I'm this state of mind.

"I need air , I dont want to say things I'll regret" she breathed heavily leaving the room swiftly.

"Idiot" I smacked my head at the verge of crying as well. My world was crashing down. And everytime it was falling I hated Carter more and more.

Breakfast was tense and as if that wasnt enough it was hot beyond measure. I was sad , angry , moody , my feet were swollen.

Way to start my day.

*****"You haven't touched your food" my mother finally spoke. I sighed in relief as I was beginning to think that she was now too shocked to even speak.

"I'm not that hungry" I smiled

"Are you going to keep it?" She asked dropping her fork in rage.

"Keep what?" I asked back absentmindedly before it clicked .

"The baby" she specified holding me under her gaze.

"Yes" I replied plainly looking down to my plate poking my food.

"You ruined your own life" she fumed standing up.

I sat there glued to my seat as I watched her leave irresolute of what to do.

"I thought you were freaking mature" she cried re entering the room.

"You shattered my hopes and expectations from you. I'm heart...broken  you...you" she sobbed "I'm sorry I'll go now" she excused herself sniffing back her tears.

My heart hammered in my chest as I tried so hard not to breakdown. I didnt know what to say to her to fix this situation. Infact there were no words that could fix this problem.

Days passed , weeks passed , months passed she still didnt talk to me.
Our conversations were based on greeting each other and saying good night.

I knew I was at fault and it broke my heart to see my mother let go of me just like that. I wanted to cry so badly but I couldnt I knew if I started I wouldn't end.

I was at war with myself and the more the days moved the more I faded . I felt like a wilting flower decreasing day by day. And I didnt want this child to grow to hate me.

I was losing myself and frankly I had come to accept it . Chloe didnt call me anymore I guess she was focused on school and her life the thought of school killed me , stabbed me like a metal rod I had lost my opportunity to learn at Oxford because of what? Stupidity?

My mother hated me now.

Carter had left me.

I wouldn't be the perfect mother.

I had ruined my life.

And at times like this my pain was intense so much that it made me laugh.
I wasnt going to cry.

But I wasnt a coward so i had to do what had to be done.

I took a bunch of pills in my room , my mom's room and the living room canteen.

Then I drank them.

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The light was so bright it woke me us with a jolt. I was sweating badly and apparently I had an oxygen mask .
My hand had a cannula connected to a huge drip and I felt like death.

"She's up" i faintly heard my mother saying "Doctor!" she yelled

A few minutes later a tall man entered the room which is the only thing I saw considering how blurred my vision was.

"Mrs Wallace I'm afraid your daughter is critically ill" he said addressing to my mother.

"If she doesnt start eating healthily I don't guarantee you a chance of seeing your grandchild , emotionally shes not stable which is why it took long for her to wake up."

"Is the baby okay?" My mother asked in a concerned voice

"The baby is fine we managed to drain the pills before they affected it but I'm still going to give her iron pills and a diet list." He paused"how are you?" He asked in my direction.

"Okay" I replied though I wasnt I was disappointed that I survived but a small part of me was glad probably the part looking forward to raising this baby.

"You're six months far long the seventh month is full of complications I already found the perfect gainacologist for you so you're in good hands" he flashed a smile and suddenly I could see well.

He wasn't bad looking,  he was average and compared to Carter he was nothing. I just though about him didnt I? I need to reset my mind.

"Oli I'm sorry" my mother said holding my hand after the doctor had left.
"I was just overwhelmed to the fact that you're pregnant and I know I was a bad mother you can forgive me when you want to but I'm sorry and I'll be responsible from now on"

She paused" I realised that losing you was worse than accepting that you're pregnant forgive me baby" she said sincerely

"Its not your fault I'm the one to blame here if anything I'm sorry for not being responsible" I said and before I could continue she hugged me.

"Dont explain yourself to me I understand" said kissing ny hair.

And for the first time in months I smiled genuinely.

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