Dark or Light?

Chapter 22

I lay in bed, listening to my heart beat. I try to block everything out. Every feeling, every thought, every sound except for my heart beat. I’m trying to relax even though I’ll have to get ready for school, soon. It’s been a couple weeks since Sarah Templon’s death and the pain is still fresh.

            I barely knew her and I didn’t like her, but it’s still sad and it’s still my fault. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind.

            Henry still seems pretty hurt about it. He looks so sad, all the time, and he hasn’t smiled since her accident. Not once. We haven’t talked, either. I’m starting to wonder if he knows something. Maybe he knows that I’m part of the reason she’s dead. I doubt it. I doubt anyone knows the truth, but he could. And if he does, he must hate me. I wouldn’t blame him. I hate myself for it, but there’s nothing I can do.

            A knock on my door yanks me from my… meditation??? I sit up and look at the door.

            “Yeah?”

            “Could I get a ride to school, today?” It’s Xana.

            I look over at my alarm clock. It’s only 7:25. “What about the bus?” I ask as I start getting dressed and ready for school.

            “Umm… I just missed it?”

            “You’re full of crap. You’ve got 10 minutes to get to the bus stop. Better hurry.”

            “I don’t want to take the stupid bus.”

            “I don’t want to give you a stupid ride.”

            “But you said you’d give me a ride if I needed 1,” she whines.

            “Key word: needed.”

            “Whatever!” she screams before slamming her fist against my door.

            She does that every time I don’t give her her way and it seriously pisses me off. I open my door and step into the hallway. Xana shoots me a dirty look as she makes her way down the stairs and out the front door to catch the bus.

            “Brat,” I say under my breath.

            I finish getting ready and let Gemma and Elane know that I’m on my way. When we get to school, we talk to our usual group of friends. Kate and her boyfriend aren’t paying much attention. They’re too busy swallowing each other, whole. I immediately look away. So does everyone else. It makes everyone uncomfortable when they’re like that and we’ve told them that, but I’m pretty sure they just think we’re joking around. Either that or they just don’t care how it makes us feel.

            They weren’t like this their first time around, though. They were slower, cuter. They only kissed occasionally. But now, it’s like she’s doing whatever she can to keep him from leaving. There’s so much desperation in every kiss, but most people think it’s passion. “Young Love”. It’s awkward and annoying and I’m not the only 1 that feels this way.

            The first bell rings and we all hurry to class, away from Kate playing tonsil hokey with her boyfriend.

            I avoid my locker, knowing Henry will be at his, the pain still clear on his face. I just go straight to class. I take my seat and rest my head on my desk. I begin to block everything out, again. It’s just going to be another work day, so I won’t have to pay attention to anything, but I have nothing to work on.