Starlight | completed

Chapter 39 | whatever end

❝For however long, and to whatever end❞

Chapter 39 | whatever end

When the blue of the water sinks deeper, and the laugher around her sounds louder. She faintly smiles, it is nor a vivid smile or a happy one. But it is all that she can muster on to her face, her throat aches today. It is raw and dry and she really should fish out water from her bag and drink it.

But what is the use?

She's dying anyways, why does any of this matter in the end? She won't be around to see none of it through. None of it matters yet she still acts as if it all does. The teachers stack piles upon piles of homework for her, she takes a look at it. And she does it all, every single itty bit. Even the extra credit.

Her grades are exceptional, but again why does it matter? She most likely won't be alive long enough to go to college at this rate. She doesn't know why she does it all. She's never going to need it. But she does it still. She's almost dead anyways.

There was a time in this world when she had been simply nothing more than a child, she'd been a quiet child at that too. Silent and peering at the world through scarlet lenses, eyes full of brightness and light. It would never be that time again.

She feels weak, drained, emotionally and physically to top it all off. Her slender figure is much more slender, but it is not a healthy slender, it is the type that makes her quickly leave so she doesn't have to see her reflection. She'd gone to the doctor today, before coming to school.

Her mother wouldn't stop crying, her father was not the type of man to display emotion. He doesn't cry, he never cries, but he remained a depressing shade of pale as he held her mother close. As if he was scared that he was going to lose her too, he clutches onto her so tightly. She wishes he would clutch onto her that way, but he can't bear to look at her.

And all she could think was she didn't want to die, it is a scary feeling to think about one's death, especially when it approaches you so rapidly. At the beginning she hadn't minded so much, but now she didn't want to leave Will. She'd never wanted to leave Will, but she could never stay. That simply wasn't an option.

What would he do without her? Would he replace her? Easily? She hoped desperately so, she wanted to be easy to replace. She hated the look of despair on his face every time she saw him. She'd tried to go to him a few days ago, she'd snuck into his house, the same way she used to do when they were together.

Through the bushes, and around towards the back. She'd seen Will there, he was sitting on his table as he scrawled something onto the notebook in front of him. She'd tried to climb up the same path as she usually did, but someone had broken off her former path. It was a bitter reality.

Ana hadn't been able to take it though, she'd marched right up and approached the front door and knocked. Will's mother refused to let her in, she thought Ana had utterly broken Will's heart. And while she wasn't truly wrong, it still hurt. With a look of utter distaste on her face, Will's mother had informed her that Will nowadays barely ate any food whatsoever.

That he would just sit there, utterly emotionless. She could see it in her face, the longing he had for her. So why? Why must he hurt himself and her in the process? Why can't he just be with her while she's here. If only. If only she knew how to be without him, she needs him.

Her home is utterly terrible, her mother can't bare to be around her. She leaves a plate of food in the dining room and locks herself into her room. Her mother won't talk to her, she flinched the moment Ana enters a room. She's in her room the whole damn day. And once Ana had pressed her ear against the door and—