Chapter 14: Still Heartbeats

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~I skipped the last part of the smut because I got inspired and smut takes a lot of focus to write I will finish it eventually! I want the story to carry on I stalled on smut for way too long!~

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It was still. Painfully still. The warmth of the moment slowly faded which she supposed she should have expected. But what she didn’t expect was the near painful silence. Hux wasn’t exactly a quiet man so now that he suddenly was she couldn’t help but almost feel wary.

The silence was long and filled with an unwillingness to break it. She could feel a sense that whatever would happen now would be very bad. And the fact that she had no memory as to why made it worse. The unknown expanse made her feel terrified.

But admist the warm afterglow post sex was a small feeling of girlish happiness. But glancing to her side he laid there chest bare staring at the ceiling and saying nothing. The urge to lay on his chest came but wasn’t sure if she even could. A part of her was still scared of him even after all of that which she knew she should be. Now what would they do? Would he say anything?

It felt like a strange fever dream. Did this really happen? She supposed now that she was happy it had though she hadnt expected it. So now…she could only wonder, now what?

He laid by her but now at a distance and stared at the ceiling. The gap between them made her feel cold and alone despite him being no more than a foot away. Maybe it was naive of her to think he would sleep. But of course they both had to think of the consequences of what they had just done.

She figured she would be punished or maybe finally gotten rid of? Afterall what even was her purpose here? But him? She could sense how great this would matter…which frightened her.

She waited tentatively hoping for him to speak eventually. He always did afterall that was pretty much all he did. He’d say something to her to end this and be done with it. It was dark and difficult to see what expression he was making, she glanced away not wanting to irritate him with staring too much.

The silence she decided scared her even more than whatever he could possibly say would be. Whatever he was thinking couldn’t be good. Afterall she was the “valuable goods”. A prisoner wasn’t she? Looking over to where he was she wondered if breaking the silence was possible. She hadn’t been able to speak well. It always felt like her head jumbled her words down to only a few at a time. Damaged goods.

His face was empty but brow slightly furrowed. She couldn’t tell if that was habit or because he was actually bothered by something. His silence as he looked directly ahead so troubled only made it worse. Even if she could speak she wouldn’t have been able to make a sound. This silence was simply too strong. 

But that moment also made her realize that this would be the only time she could look at him this way. Surely if she were to die or punished in some way she wouldn’t be seeing him again. So with a heart that started to feel heavy she turned to see him again wanting to take in his face while she still could.

As she stared at where he was in the darkness light began to seep in very slightly. The glow of a distant moon coming closer to the ships orbit beginning to cast a faint glow in the room. There was enough light now to make out his face and silhouette. As it got brighter she could see his pale skin which looked soft and smooth as marble in the light.

Taking in the shape of his body her gaze travelled along his neck and shoulders, then studied every sharp curve and indent of his long body. Turning onto her side she laid like that taking in everything she could and admiring it all. She wondered if he thought himself handsome. As she had turned the sound had got his attention making him finally glance to her.

He supposed she would have to be killed. Whether by himself to avoid the trouble this might bring or someone else. He…he almost couldn’t believe he had given in to such urges. And now it didn’t feel real at all. He didn’t want to look at her. If he did this would become real and the weight of his actions would become real too. 

His image would no doubt be tarnished more than it already was after becoming Ren’s lapdog. But this was still his army. Fornicating with a prisoner especially one of her….type would surely only bring rumors and shame. Yet even with all these thoughts he still couldn’t fight the urge to look at her now.

His eyes met hers which he had hoped wouldn’t be looking back. Large eyes looked over him just as curious as they were the day they had met. But this tim3 they were different. Exactly the same ones from his dreams yet this time they were real. Being real and full of life and hesitancy made the fact that she was really her by him sink in more. 

But they were beautiful. More beautiful even before they had had sex or during. It was like in the moment of stillness he was really seeing her. Perhaps the guilt only made that feeling stronger. In the faint light of the room she looked like a goddess. Or even an inate figure in a painting. 

Hair over her cheek and across the pillow the bedsheet rolled off her curves and followed her legs complimenting each contour. Her bare breasts looked soft and at ease with calm breathing. She was beautiful and at peace. Trying to not think about his distant thoughts about himself and the future he stared at her wondering if he would be able to remember this.

After a moment he felt an urge to try to say something. Out of guilt? Need? He wasn’t really sure. But he could think of nothing. What did he want? Should he want in that moment or should he only think of the consequences of the future. Thinking forward again he knew that once Ren found out she would most likely be killed.

It struck him cold this time though as his eyes stayed on her. Almost as if she could sense something from him her eyes finally came up to his face in wonder. Refusing to admit to himself that it was guilt he brought up his arm to his side and nodded.

She blinked in surprise at his invitation. And to his own surprise she suddenly smiled. As if he had done exactly what she wanted. Had she ever smiled at him before? Never once. But now she looked at him with all the warmth and open happiness that a lover could give.

Then without hesitation she slid over onto his outstretched arm and rested her head onto his chest. He watched her a moment and decided this would be the last thing he would allow as by tomorrow she would probably be dead.

To his own chagrin though she started purring which made his face go a bit red to his own annoyance. Listening to his heartbeat she almost cracked a smile to herself as she found that he even had one. With a bit of bravery she let her leg come over his so they were snuggly entangled before letting out a sigh ready to fall asleep. 

Looking up to the ceiling again starting to get lost in his thoughts he let his hand rest at her side and wondered if he could also be killed for this. But at least in those moments he could feel her rest against his body which despite how much he told himself it shouldn’t feel as good as did. He was at ease.

When she woke he was gone. She had expected that. The empty room was suddenly incredibly univititing. Her naked form only made it worse making her feel incredibly cold and small. Of course it wouldn’t have gone any other way, she chastised herself. But it still didn’t feel any less colder. Now what would happen? 

Sitting up she wondered when whatever purpose she was actually supposed to serve would come. Or would she be disposed of? Was this somehow her fault? Would she die? She was special but why? It hurt to think too much about it. As she thought she almost wanted to be angry but it hurt far too much to do so. Feeling even more alone than she had these last few weeks all she could do was cry out of pity for herself.

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