SCARRED | TK

Chapter Three

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"Did you break but never mend?
Did it hurt so much you thought it was the end?
Lose your heart but don't know when
And no one cares, there's no one there"

Jeongguk did not have many rights there. 

He was not considered a human being in that place—a place which was void of any signs of humanity and warmth.  Jeongguk was not allowed to use a toilet whenever he wanted to, like a normal human being and he wasn't even allowed to wash himself. The only thing he could do without supervision, because it didn't include any dangers, was dressing himself. 

He enjoyed it, picking out clothes from his wardrobe but it wasn't as if he had too many options from the start since all the clothes in his closet were white, loose shirts and T-shirts, long or short trousers made of something so thin it was almost see through, those being the only items of clothing the 18-year-old had access to.

Despite his age, Jeongguk was still mainly treated as a child, sometimes behaving like one himself.  The boy did not speak, hadn't done so for several years, and the doctors had come to the conclusion that the boy's past traumatic experiences had taken its toll on him, even if he couldn't remember anything at all. Jeongguk couldn't bear to hear them all talk about him as if he wasn't even there, as if he wasn't a man like them, as if he wasn't human but simply a mere experiment.  He had learned to calm himself over the years, to keep his feelings in check, but there were nights when all those emotions came crashing down, causing his mind to imagine the most frightening things, causing him to visualize the most horrible images. 

Sometimes sceneries of unknown streets, destroyed buildings, a forest, a beautiful woman, of children running in a field, appeared in his mind during those moments of weakness, of pain, but Jeongguk couldn't figure out where they came from or who they belonged to. 

Those images usually appeared to him after bathing, as if his body was reacting to the water with which they washed him.  However, Jeongguk knew that it was not the water the one that made him remember—or rather forget—but the three pills that were brought to his room in the evening right before he had to sleep.  He didn't want to take them because they made him dizzy and drowsy but after the first incident, the night he refused to take them and he stayed awake until morning drawing those familiar faces, exploding with emotions, destroying everything around him, he was forced to take the pills no matter how much he trashed around and refused.

Jeongguk was in the same situation at that moment, looking at the man in front of him with the same cold eyes as he pursed his lips, hoping that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have to take those damn pills that night. Fate was usually not on his side because his wishes were never even acknowledged, let alone fulfilled.

The poor boy didn't have a lot of knowledge of the world but his intelligence wasn't based on how much he knew or not.  Jeongguk's intelligence was on a different level, or at least that's what those people said every time he was forced to undergo tests. They talked among themselves, not even caring that he could hear them, saying that he was able to think differently, see differently, those being the main causes of the scars on his body.  The teenager often heard the word mutation followed by one he couldn't exactly remember, something that sounded like genes, genetic maybe? 

Genetic mutation, the doctors kept repeating those words around him as if they actually wanted him to hear them. 

Or maybe they just weren't aware of the fact that he could still clearly hear their voices from the confinement of his room even after the steel door was locked, even after they walked several hallways away.

Jeongguk was still staring at the steel door when the man's voice echoed around the room, getting his attention.

"I always wonder what is it you find so interesting about that door."

Turning his head towards the man, Jeongguk lazily looked up, their eyes meeting for a few seconds before his irises focused themselves on the paper cup the man was holding. He knew what laid inside it so, with a sigh, Jeongguk simply waited for the other to offer him the pills.

"Your only reactions are always sounds that don't make sense."  The man laughed but that sound did not resembled happiness, not at all. It was malicious.

In exchange for an answer, the boy held out his hand, waiting for the doctor to place the pills in his palm, which he did.  The small, round, white spheres—like everything else around him—made his skin shudder, because he was aware that those were the things that stole away everything he wanted to know,  that suppressed everything that seemed to stir inside his mind at times.

"You don't look happy at all."  The man whispered ironically, trying to tease Jeongguk into talking but the boy was already used to it.

He simply stared at the man before taking the cup and drinking the liquid inside, already aware that the water also had some type of medicine in it because of the taste.  He had the distant memory of cold water on his lips so he knew that what he used to drink every day in the past had almost no taste or scent.

The liquid they offered him was bitter.

"You still don't wan to talk? We know you're not mute. You should realize that talking and telling us what you know would be better for you."

The silence in the room was not broken by either of the two for the next few seconds so the man simply laughed, deciding to leave Jeongguk alone.  Just like it had happened a few days prior, the doctor stopped in front of the door, turning his head to show him his malicious smile. Jeongguk tilted his head to the side, a gesture he sometimes used in order to express confusion, not because he couldn't speak, but because he didn't want to talk to them.

"See you tomorrow, Jeongguk. I hope you'll behave properly because we're having an important visitor come see you.  If not, you know the consequences."

The boy sitting on the mattress with his back against the wall moved his lips slowly, forming an ironic smile that surprised the doctor in front of him, because Jeongguk never expressed his feelings like that. He never got up from that bed when they entered, never spoke, never showed any behavior that could suggest he was different. Still, even if he looked and acted normal, they all knew he was far from that. There was something about Jeon Jeongguk, about his body, his eyes and his intelligence that was far from normal.

Seokjin chuckled bitterly once he saw that smile, trying to seem like he wasn't affected—terrified—by it at all. And yet, as the steel door closed behind him with a thud, the doctor let all the air out of his chest, thanking anyone who was watching over him for saving him that day from what seemed to be hiding behind that teenager's gaze. They all were aware by now that something dangerous and certainly powerful, stronger than anything on earth, was laying inside that boy.

After all, his calm eyes and that steady look were just appearances that hid what Jeon Jeongguk really was deep inside and why he, too, had regrets, even if he didn't realize why he felt that way or why he was forced to take those pills. Deep inside, he was aware of what he had done but he couldn't remember. The doctors had made sure of that because once he would, once all the memories would come crashing down, all that was left of humanity would be destroyed.

Walking away from the room, Seokjin let out a deep sigh.

Everything was for humanity's sake or for whatever was left of it.

And if one person's suffering was all it took in order to make sure humankind stayed alive, Seokjin wasn't going to look back.

Because letting Jeongguk remember, letting him unravel what his inside him—it would mean letting the whole world be destroyed by its wrath.

***

Anyone got the reference for "The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas" haha