Forget me not

Chapter 5

I tried not to let the cold bother me, it was hard to walk and breathe at the same time, I was relieved when we finally found a place to settle down for the night. I was still too cold to fall asleep, though I lay next to the fire and Inwe. I wished I could cuddle up next to her, like we did when we were children, and reheat my own body with hers. I knew, however, that Inwe was not in any mood to bear with me. She was far too immersed in her own thoughts.

I finally closed my eyes and, though I was shivering, tried to find sleep. It did not come for the longest time, and it seemed only to get colder as the night wore on. I knew the fire must have gone out, since we did not have anything to feed its life. I just huddled closer to myself and allowed my shaking to lull me to sleep.

“Merewen… Merewen…” I heard a lovely voice and did not know to whom it belonged. I melted into the words spoken to me. I knew, somewhere in my heart, that it was a dream, that there were no words, that those hands touching me belonged to my own mind. I knew, but I did not care. “Merewen… stop moving. Stop shaking so I might touch you, Merewen.”

I did as the voice asked, and I lay perfectly still. I listened to the sweet whispers, the voice in my ear. I felt myself start to slip, to fade. It was cold, but I was still. The voice got farther away, and I wanted to beg for it to stay, but I could not move. I could not breathe.

I heard another voice, equally far away, though it was more desperate. “Merewen, wake up. Merewen.” Suddenly, it was as though I was looking down on myself from the ceiling of the cave. I saw myself laying there, marvelling at the shade of blue my lips were turning. How beautiful I looked, laying there, but he kept ruining it. I remembered him!

That face, those angelic eyes, they were wide with fright. “Why are you so frightened, Elladan?” I asked, realizing that I did not make a sound, but not caring. “Leave me be, it is peaceful here.”

“Merewen, if you are there, awaken!” Inwe was suddenly there. She sat next to me and felt my body, my neck in particular. “Her pulse is there, but faint,” she said to Elladan.

I suddenly realized the severity of what happened. “I am going to die.”

The voice was there again, trying to talk me down. It was trying to calm me, to make me stop feeling my heart, to stop sitting there, it was trying to convince me to leave. I could not leave!

“Gather something to stoke the fire. I will try to restore her body heat with my own!” Elladan ordered to Inwe, but Inwe did not take offence, which was not like her at all. Instead, she did as she was commanded and went to find something, anything, to put on the fire and bring some little heat to my body.

I watched as if from above as Elladan took off my cloak and tunic. He stripped me of my leggings and set them aside. People were rushing about, and thankfully, none stopped to gawk at my naked form laying there beneath his touch. He then began to remove his own garments and gathered my seemingly lifeless form to his own body. I felt, though I was not directly there, in my body, as though someone put a warm compress to my stomach, my legs, my breasts. I felt his body heat washing over me, and I began to breathe a little more steadily. I felt myself begin to relax; my view from above began to fade until everything around me was black.

“She is warming up, but we need that fire, Inwe.”

“I am trying, Elladan, I am trying. Everything is too wet!” She fumbled with the flint and the damp wood she had found. Inwe was about ready to throw her cloak onto the fire, hoping the wood would dry and the cloak would burst into flames itself. She was about to turn to get it when the smallest spark caught on the damp blocks of wood, and it began to smoke. She blew on it gently, adding sticks and twigs to the small pile, hoping something would catch and spread.

I felt the warmth grow and breathed a little more heavily. I did not know what was happening. I didn’t know where the heat was coming from, only that it felt wonderful. I moved slightly, and the heat and pressure on my body moved also. I could not yet open my eyes, but I recognized breath and a heartbeat, neither of which were my own, and I knew someone was there with me.

“She is moving, and her breath is heavier. I think she will come out of it. Merewen, can you hear me? It is Elladan. Please open your eyes, darling, please look at me.”

I moved a little more, but I could not open my eyes. I tried to make a noise but only succeeded in breathing more heavily. I felt the body around me shift and hold me closer. It felt wonderful to have his skin pressed against mine. I shivered involuntarily.

“She is shivering again, she is still cold. I will try to move closer to the heat.” The body pulled me with it to one direction, and I felt my limbs falling into place with his. He had to hold my arms and my legs to reposition me without harming me.

He was closer to me now. I could feel his breath on my face, and I recognised that I was curled up next to him, his arms under me and his body over me. It made my heart quicken. ‘How can my body be so willing to give in to eroticism when I cannot even awaken?’ I asked myself. It seemed ridiculous, but I felt myself become more attuned to every feature on his body that I could feel. His chest was hard and strong, and his arms were the same, though gentle with my limp body. I felt his hair brush across my face and his cheek descended to rest against mine.

I made a small noise, more like a sigh, but a sound enough to tell him that I was all right. I felt him smile against my skin. “Merewen, please try to open your eyes,” his voice was husky and soft, it wrapped around my ears as his body wrapped around my own. I tried, I tried so hard, but it was much easier to want to just keep them closed and relax into his muscular form. Did he know how difficult it was not to? Of course, he did not. He probably never would.

I finally felt my eye pry itself open to a mere slit, and then I gulped and opened the other. His face was now inches above my own, his lips centimetres away. If I could move, I would push myself upward to touch them with my own. But I tried harder now just to open them more.

“Merewen… we thought you were gone.” I could not respond. I could not move either, but I tried. I grasped his forearm with my weak hand and tried not to blink for fear that I would fall back into that void. His lips curled back into a smile, and he rested his forehead against mine, bringing his lips much closer, still.

I closed my mouth and tried to make a sound come from it. All I could muster was his name.

He smiled. “Merewen.” I smiled also, loving the way my name rolled from his lips. I could listen to him saying it all day.

I had no idea whether he realized the effect he had on me, but he still did not move. I wondered if I had any effect on him. “You saved me.” I finally stuttered. I did not want him to get off me.

“Do not make me have to do it again, harmamin (my treasure).” I very nearly melted at his words when Inwe rushed over.”

“Merewen, you’re a terror, do you know that?” She kissed me on the forehead, making Elladan have to move a little. “Are you warm enough?” I nodded a little and still tried to keep my eyes open. “Are you cold at all?”

It was hard to make my lips move, “I am fine, I think.”

“That is the problem, you do not think!” She laughed and kissed my forehead again before pointing a stern finger at Elladan. “Do not move, make sure she stays awake. I will get some tea.”

He smiled at her and then down at me, “I had no intentions of it.”