Forget me not

Chapter 9

I could feel her heart break as if it was my own. Helas must have been really badly off. It hurt just to sit here and look at her. I was relieved when she left, though I felt bad for knowing that she only left to make me feel better. I did not go after her, though, not only for my benefit but because I knew she needed to be alone. I didn’t want to worry anyone else, but she was acting a lot less friendly and compatible than usual. She was drawing away from me, and I knew she needed to, though most people in her situation would need people to be close to them, comfort and reassurance. Instead, Inwe needed space.

I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands. “Is everything all right?”

Elladan put his hand on my knee, comfortingly. I looked up, startled at the sound of his voice.

I nodded. “Yes, I think I am fine.” He looked at me some more, I could feel his eyes on me, and I could sense his concern. I smiled under my hands. He did not know of my empathic abilities yet, and I knew he was confused.

I smiled at him. “I just have a headache."

He immediately forced me to lay down and raced away to get something to help with that. I was left alone with my thoughts, and Elrohir, for a little while. Elladan surprised me with the attention he showed to my well-being. I knew he was concerned for me since my incident on our travels, but I did not think that worry was the main cause of his recent affections.

It took a little while before he returned to my side and fed me an abhorred concoction to stop my head from throbbing, which it never truly was; I was just a little uncomfortable telling him about my special gift. I knew Elrond did not tend to converse with his sons about his students, that he kept all information private and only disclosed their names and the lands from which they hailed.

Elladan sat with me until later, when we both fell asleep. When I woke up, Inwe was back and sitting off by herself. She had her bow and arrows with her, it looked like she was out practicing her aim. I walked over and sat next to her, immediately feeling the emotions inside of her rush through me. I took a deep breath and tried to relax before I could say anything.

“I know this is hard.” She nodded, and I smiled at her. “You know you don’t have to go through this alone.” She nodded again, and I felt her heart bleed. There were so many things she wanted to say and so many things she just couldn’t.

“I just don’t know what to do. He was mine for so long, then I had to leave. Even though this may not be my fault, if I could do everything over again I would not have gone to Rivendell. I would have stayed if only to be with him.” I nodded, knowing how she felt as I could feel it myself. “You can talk to the healers. Perhaps we can study him.”

She shook her head. “It is not an illness of the body, Merewen. It is an illness of the mind. There were so many wounds on his body, it is possible it was poison, but it might have been trauma. They do not know for sure.”

I put my arm around her shoulder, and she hesitantly leaned into my embrace. “You should not be alone around here. You should stay with me, Elladan, and Elrohir.”

“You, of all people, Merewen, should know that I do not like to be coddled. I must do things for myself, whether it is learning to heal others or healing my own heart.” I backed away from the embrace for a moment, taking that as a rather obvious hint.

I sighed. “I know how you feel in this, Inwe, but there is more than your heart at stake. There is something out here. There is something plaguing this place, and I do not want you to become the next victim.”

She turned to me abruptly, and I felt her ire rise. “This is my home, Merewen! If I cannot be safe here, I can be safe nowhere.” She rose to leave, but I took her arm, trying to withstand the urge to yell back at her.

“Inwe, I am only trying to protect you. We will help here as much as possible, but do not go out alone. Do not put yourself in harm’s way. I care about you, my friend. Do not make the next time I see you your funeral.” She did not speak, but I could tell this saddened and angered her, but she turned and stalked off.

The following day she had not returned, and I was getting worried. She had never taken anything this hard. She had not taken it this hard the first time she suffered a broken heart. She had not been this hurt even when her family sent her, without asking her opinion or preference, to Rivendell to study with Elrond. All other times I had been next to her, able to help her through these rough times. But she was pushing me away so much now that I did not know what to do. It hurt, but I knew she had to deal with this her own way.

'Why couldn’t her way be letting me help?' I asked myself.