Saudade [KaoEarth]

14 [Special Chapter #1]

[14]

It was the same and usual afternoon. Kao's sitting on his bed staring at the white wall. The lady went inside his room. Kao tried to take his courage to face the lady. "C...can I visit M...Mu's...g...grave?" Kao stuttered as he asked the question and was about to look like going to fall his tears. The lady looked at him and paused, she tried to numb herself. The lady brought Kao's food and drink.

"Please?" Kao pleaded as his hands wai-ed and knelt in front of her. The lady in white couldn't help but pity Kao. She really wants to ignore Kao but she can feel Kao's longingness for his lover. "Okay, but you must be with the other nurse" the lady said. Kao smiled and felt a little ease. He bowed to the nurse and said, "Thank you." The nurse just nodded. "You eat your food first and we'll take you to him later." The nurse added and already leave the room. 'I'm going to see you, Mu!' Kao thought to himself. He quickly chugged his food and make his body stronger to face Earth on his grave. When he's finished, the boy nurse took him to a bath and changed his outfit and went to cemetery.

With a bouquet of flowers, Kao remembered thousand of memories of him bringing a bouquet to Earth. Birthdays, anniversaries, support for their projects, graduation, proposal, and mostly, their wedding.

"I didn't expect that in this kind of situation, I would give you a bouquet of flowers, Mu" Kao exclaimed to himself and chuckled. He knelt on the grass and cleaned Earth's grave. Kao's eyes started to shower tears. The nurse saw him kneeling and hugging the grave and heard "I love you, Mu!" the nurse bit his lips as he felt sorrow deep in his heart and seeing his patient in deep agony. The nurse quickly wept his tears. "I'm here, Mu. I didn't forget you!" Kao exclaimed as he caressed Earth's grave. He closed his eyes and kissed the grave. "This is how I love you, Mu."

Before Kao and the nurse went to the cemetery, Kao bought Earth's favorite snacks. Kao placed it to Earth's grave. Kao placed a small blanket near Earth's grave and sat. "Let's eat, Mu" Kao said, and he opened the snack and the drink. Kao stared at the grave, he can picture Earth's lovely face smiling brightly at him "Cheers!" Kao said and placed some drinks on Earth's grave and he drank his. Kao search for fruits that the nurse bought and the first thing he saw was an apple. Kao's tears suddenly flows. Apple will never be a fruit for him anymore. It will be a souvenir from his lover. He remembered how happy they were during their picnic date. Kao starts to vision again his memories with Earth. It's just an apple for other people. But for Kao, it's an apple, one of the reason why Earth was gone. His ears starts to whisper bad things and his mind is chaotic right now. Apple triggered his whole body. It triggered his mind and his heart. Kao starts to panic. "Mu! Mu!" Kao wailed. The nurse quickly went to Kao but he was pushed away. The nurse was about to inject something to Kao but Kao didn't insist to be injected. He pushed the nurse and saw a rock and threatened the nurse. "Do it or I'll kill myself" Kao exclaimed as he placed the rock near his head. They both paused and stared at each other. No one dares to talk and Kao suddenly knelt on the grave and looks down and said, "Why can't I just be with you?" Kao shouted while pulling his hair, showering tears. "Why...can't...I...just be with you?" he slowly asked feeling the pain his holding since from the start.

"Don't you know how hard it is for me to tolerate this pain? Don't you know how hard to the see the person you love the most lying in a hospital bed for how many months struggling in pain? Don't you know the feeling when you know that your loved one will pass away any moment? Don't you know how hard it is for me to face him every single day with a smile even though I know that he's time is ephemeral? Don't you know how hard it is for me to take that that moment was the only moment left for me to see him? Don't you know that? Seeing, talking, and being with a person who has its time limit is too much hard and more pain than seeing a person with coma? Of course! You don't know! You don't know why I am like this.

Because you don't know how happy I was when I was with Earth.

Because you don't know how he brightens up my day every day.

Because you don't know how it feels like being loved by Earth.

And mostly, because you don't know how it feels like to love someone like Earth.

Now tell me

How can I forget it?