The art of getting better.

Chapter 6.

TOM.
September 5th, 1998

I feel my heart racing because Rob Nixon is kissing my neck. We're in his bedroom, covered in dirty clothes, and sports banners, his walls painted a cold grey covered infamous movie posters held up with thumbtacks, one with a lady smoking a cigarette with the words 'pulp fiction.' Another is one with a girl laying in bed with a picture of Freddy Kruger looming in the background. On Top of his dresser, his boombox is playing 'like a virgin' by Madonna. It's weird how straight he is compared to his music taste. Don't get me wrong I love his music taste, I just wish he didn't have to pretend all the time, I'm shirtless and he is too, and he gets up making me crank my neck because I can't rest it on his bare chest. we aren't necessarily doing anything sexual, we're just being intimate as friends. Who am I kidding, Rob Nixon is mine and I think we're in love. Scratch that I wish we were in love, but I'm holding back on the fact that we always have to do everything in private.
"Guess what happened Friday," he asks, falling back onto his messy bed. I follow and rest my head on his chest. It's soft and warm and I never want it to end.
"What happened?"
"Charlie from math class, you know the one who helped me get a 75, anyways he and Shane Lowe got in a fistfight during break... and you already heard this. I'm assuming you heard it from..."
"Abby," I say rubbing the hairs on his chest. I stayed home Friday, and it's the one day I miss because of a god damn sniffle. My mom's a complete freak when it comes to that stuff, but I guess it's for my safety. "She also said that Charlie beat the shit out of Shane, who knew a math nerd could even throw a punch!" I say turning to look into his eyes. His green meets my blue and it's as if sparks fly.
"Yeah I know it's wild. Imagine what people would say about us." Rob says and I feel my chest tighten. "I mean gossip spreads like wildfire in this town,"
"I don't know about that one Rob. I feel like something bad will happen, don't you?"
"Yeah, but don't you want to kiss me in public."
"Hey weren't you the one that was like 'closed doors only' now look at you,"
"I don't know I just wish we could do something more exciting."
"We can try holding hands." Even then it's risky. "I don't know," as if on cue I hear the scratching of nails on the hardwood floor. Rob throws me one of his shirts as he gets up, he's only wearing sweatpants and I melt as he walks to the door, because he's mine. And he's adorable, I put on the shirt just in case his mom comes in and he opens the only sense of privacy he has from the rest of the house to let his equally adorable golden retriever Archie in. He runs to me panting and wagging his tail like a mad man. I stuff my face into his furry neck as Rob puts on a shirt as well, I miss his chest and soft kissable skin.
"Are you going to Ethan's party tonight?"
"I wasn't invited," I say looking at him with a smirk,
"Well, I'm inviting you. It's an open house!" Rob says and I feel butterflies take flight in my stomach.
"I don't know, parties aren't my thing,"
"Tom you're going, I need moral support from my favourite person,"
"I'm your favourite person?" I ask
"Dude! Of course, you are, who else would it be?" He says scratching Archies ear,
"I don't know, Archie?"
"Well duh, but he's not a person,"
"Maybe you're right, I don't know I'm overthinking," I say and he feels my thigh.
"You always overthink Tom, but that's what I admire about you,"
"Shut up," I say playfully pushing on his shoulder. His words are like soft warm butter and I'm soaking it up.

I'm in my car before I even know what's happening. Rob by my side, and I'm going to a party. Great. It's one of those start of year parties that the preps put up, Ethan Booth the scarily tall teenager with anger issues is hosting this said party. I don't know what I'm doing, his house is the actual middle of nowhere, up a winding hill surrounded by trees and mystery and you take a left up a dirt road and you're here. I pull up his driveway as rob hands me a beer,
"it's going to be your best friend tonight. Also, my mom said she can drive us home," Rob says as I take it reluctantly and He gets out, my feet find dust and gravel and I follow him into the house, there appears to be loud music blasting and I see Ethan on a balcony
"Rob! And Tim!"
"It's Tom hi!" I say as rob leans on my shoulder I pretend I don't hear Ethan's mispronunciation of my name, my feet walk along the gravelled driveway
"Tim Tom whatever, welcome welcome," he says yelling as Shane Lowe appears from behind him, he really got beat up bad, bruised eye busted lip, Charlie really did a number on him, Rob continues to the house and I follow close by, the music is blaring and It's a song I don't recognize. Rob disappears and I feel anxious, so I drink more beer. Liquid courage. Or liquid bread. Someone bumps into me and stumbles making my can tip spilling beer on myself. I apologize stepping back a few feet. The person; a broad boy with blond hair and perfect blue eyes, Clint Anderson, turns towards me and puts his hand on my shoulder to regain my balance.
"Tommy! I knew I saw your car, oh shit sorry" he says as I try to dry the beer from my shirt.
"It's ok" I laugh a little because he's trying to dry my shirt pressing on my chest, his fingers on my shirt. I stare at him briefly forgetting Rob and I are even a couple, he smiles at me and I blush a little because beer is a dangerous drink.
"I'll go get you more beer," he says and I follow him through the mosh pit of people. The noise of loud booming music makes it hard to think, and the beer isn't helping. He leads me to the kitchen and it's huge, stone tabletops and a fancy oven and enough counter space to eat a whole thanksgiving meal at. He taps my can with his can and starts to chug and I start to chug and I hear people in the background chanting loudly
"CHUG!"
"CHUG!"
"CHUG!"
I finish my beer. And it feels like I've eaten a whole loaf of bread, Clint hands me another can and smiles as he begins to chug another can, he's been at this party longer than me so I'm assuming he's drunk more than 2 beers tonight but he isn't pacing himself. I put the can to my lips and raise it to the ceiling the chanting continues and I feel a slap on my shoulder as I finish, I don't know necessarily who slapped my shoulder but it could have been Clint or someone else, I miss Rob. He's my favourite, his beautiful green eyes, his humour, the way he just exists! I wanna make out with Rob! I think before remembering we're not out. FUCK
"I'm gonna go find Rob!" I say as Clint hands me the 3rd beer, I take it of course because I'm at a party with the cool kids, of course, I'm gonna take a beer that Clint Anderson gives me because it just feels right.
"I think I saw him with Alex," asshole Alex. Alex Scott is a buff senior who wears too much cologne and is the captain of the football team, and even though most of the boys at our school play more than one sport Alex surprisingly only plays football, except 2 years ago he played rugby but that's because football got cut short. Something about lousy weather, I don't remember. I follow Clint through a swarm of more sweaty people and I see him, tall, strong, beautiful, Rob Nixon I want to greet him with a kiss before I realize that'd be outing us, we're both "straight" for the time being and I hate that. How am I supposed to feel knowing that people that happen to like the opposite sex can make out wildly in front of other people, but when people who love the same gender do it it's so frowned upon that people would go so far as to even kill another? So instead of kissing him I just pat his shoulder and smile at him,
"Hey, Tom!" He says and hugs me it's so warm and comforting and I hug him back
"Hey!," I say as he picks me up off my feet, he's drunk for obvious reasons and I feel him hug me tighter, he kisses my cheek, his beard grazing the side of my stubble. He plays it off with a laugh and I laugh back, if only they knew. I pull away and I'm insanely red, and he's smiling, this is nice.
"Ok... are you two a couple?" I hear Alex ask and I want to curl up in a ball,
"What?" I ask, holding my breath.
"I said are you a faggot" what the fuck is his problem.
"Alex cut it out," I hear Clint call as Rob steps closer to me, he holds my hand. No no no,
"Friends can hold hands, Alex, want me to hold yours?" Rob says extending his empty hand for Alex to hold.
"Fuck that gay shit," Rob let's go of my hand, and I want to just say that we're dating but I know that's a mistake, a huge mistake.
"Hey fuck you, Alex!" I hear Rob yell as he begins to walk away, "and for your information, I am a faggot what do you want from me!" He just outed himself. I look at Rob and rub his back as Alex flips him off. Alex storms off not even looking at us being consumed by the crowd.
"Asshole," I mutter under my breath,
"You're actually gay?" Clint asks Rob and I want to tell him, except this liquid bread has me more anxious than anything,
"I guess I am," he says and I'm so fucking proud of him. I look at him and smile and I really want to kiss his lips, and maybe more. He puts his hand around my shoulder and I melt a little.