The art of getting better.

Chapter 9

October 14th 1998

Sitting inside my car in front of giant wooden doors, I watch as Clint wanders to me. Mystery in his eyes. I watch as he wipes his brow of sweat. He's in a wife-beater hidden slightly by a dark blue zip-up hoodie. He travelled from the courtyard where several other boys are doing workouts and tossing a football to each other.
"I didn't know you were picking me up," he says reaching my window. Leaning on the door so his head peaks in. just like the day that has been engraved in my head a week or so ago. We've been together ever since, secret rendezvous, filling up the world of memories that haven't been created yet, the memories that my brain has put on lock for me and Rob, but now that space has a new gatekeeper. Once benoste to creating memories that I and Rob shared, has now made space for memories I and Clint shared. Like the first sober kiss.
"Surprise!" I say and I want to kiss him, if we were alone I would, except we're in a school parking lot.
"Tommy, ok let me get my stuff." I see him wander back to the courtyard, he grabs a duffle bag hoisting it around his large shoulder and he makes his way back to my car in a short amount of time.
"Soooo how was your day? I haven't seen you in like 3 days."
"That's a lie, you saw me Friday, and all I did today was throw a football from 7 to now, what did you do cutie?"
"Ew did you call me cutie," I fake gag at his response and laugh keeping my eye on the road. He laughs too and I can feel his eyes on me. "And I made Eggo's for breakfast, that's it. Cutie."
"Yeah I see what you mean now. " he chuckles and I move my hand that was on the gearshift to his thigh. Rob would be having a panic attack if I did this to him, but this isn't Rob. This is Clint, and he is amazing.
"I'm kidding it's sweet." my hand rubbing his thigh guiding the thumb along the inseam of his sweatpants, it moves up like it has a mind of its own messaging Cint's thigh closer and closer to his groin region. My hand stops abruptly moving it back to the safety of the gear shift.
"Hey, are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm just thinking," my eyes meet his, blue on blue as I feel his hand slide onto my thigh.
"I know you and Rob had something special, but I think we have something too."
"What will people say? I'm so afraid that people will find out. And even this stuff is so hard to do in person."
"Tommy listen to yourself. We're not in public. We're in your car. And if anyone does have a problem with it I'll beat them up." he says kissing my hand. I smile slightly and I feel love,
"you always seem to keep me grounded."
"I mean I hope so, you're a mess Tommy Everitt, but you're my mess. And we're going to figure out who killed Rob."
"Thanks," I say and my hand meets the hand on my thigh. Understanding the world is different when you're with someone you love. He smiles at me in his entirely Clint smile, and I can't help but laugh because he's mine, and I'm his.
"Hey wanna do something crazy?" he says looking at the windshield as rain begins to fall in soft droplets racing down the glass. 
"Always," I say flipping on my wipers, I watch as I see my windshield become glass once more, not blocked from the sheet of heavy rain. As soon as the two arms find their way to the bottom, they shoot back up and clear my vision once more. He tells me to go to a parking lot in the middle of town, with him the need to grip the steering wheel seems insignificant. Passing the cold brew, the memories of me, Abby and Luke fill my mind, we haven't hung out the three of us in so long, Clint sings loudly to heart of glass by blondie, he's a really good singer, I can't explain it but everything about him is incredible. He pretends to play the drums and carries his voice along with the melody. I join in, not being able to sing as well as him, but he doesn't seem to care that I can't carry a note. We're screaming the lyrics bouncing in our seats. Feeling infinite.

Pulling into this magical parking lot Clint gets out. He's dancing in the pouring rain. I turn the radio up, all the small things by blink-182 is blasting from the stereo booming loud enough that we can hear it from outside and above the noise of the rain and traffic.
"You're such a dork!" I say and he takes my hand.
"Do you wanna dance?"
"Ok, but I will say I suck at dancing." 
"That's ok so do I," he does a little grove that warms my heart. The rain is hard-hitting my skin making every inch of me drenched. He takes my hand and begins to spin around, stopping and he starts dancing like nobody's watching, and I do the same. I could never imagine doing this at all, let alone with someone I love. We're dancing in sync which is extremely surprising for someone who can't keep a beat to save his life. I stumble, falling into his arms, and it's like the universe is allowing me to kiss him, but some people could be watching. I slowly move away from him as he rubs my drenched sleeve. He ruffles his hair and he looks like he just got out of the shower.
"You're adorable Clint!" I say over the loud pounding of the rain.
"Then kiss me!" He says smiling, showing off his ever so noticeably longer canine teeth.
"Not in public, Clint you know this,'' I say smiling at him softly even though it's not a laughing moment.
"Tom, seriously who the fuck cares! You only get one life, might as well live it."
"I care! I'm not ready for people to know that I'm gay, and I feel bad because you're here ready for the world to know! I'm just not." He takes my hand and smiles softly, warmly like fresh laundry he feels like a hug and I truly love him. He is the most incredible thing to ever happen to me. "I love you, Clint. I fucking love you with my entire heart." I love you. I fucking love you.
"I love you too Tommy and it's ok. I don't need a kiss in the middle of the rain to show your love for me," he says as he entrapped himself into me. I'm addicted to the rush.