The Devotion of Damien And Augustus

Epilogue

"Nakahanda na ba ang eulogy mo?"

"Handa na ba kong basahin yon sa harap niyong lahat? Handa na ba kong magpaalam, Leila? Kaya ko ba?"

Leila just smile sadly. She let out a deep sigh while caressing my back.

I am holding the paper where I write my eulogy for her. It was folded in three which I am staring. Outside the paper, I wrote, Safe Haven.

"You can keep the letter if you still can't."

Safe Haven.

Does heaven makes you safe, Haven? If it is, I will be at peace. Even if it leaves scars on me.

Her death became the death of something inside me. I feel numb. I don't know if I can still move on with my life after this.

I lost my child and so my wife. Can I still be fix?

"Your dad gone too soon. I saw how you struggled without him. I saw every tears you hide from me. I... wish I could have all the pain when your dad left us. Everyday, I was hoping that you will be whole again and by that time, you will choose me to fix you."

Tita Helen shreds tears as she reads her eulogy. I hear people sniffing. I can see on my peripheral view that some of them are wiping their tears.

I want to cry. But feels like my eyes are already tired of crying and there's no water coming up from my eyes.

But indeed, my heart is beyond repair.

"I was waiting for you, dear. But as I read the letter you sent me ... three days ago... you told me you were waiting for me... we were both waiting to each other and now that... you're gone... can you just go back, Haven? I want to make it up to you. Please... just get back here with us my daughter."

My tears falls down as I watch tita Helen breaks down while pleading her daughter to come back. She was pleading hard like Haven's just in front of us and she looks very sorry on her daughter.

Now, I can much say that I feel how tita Helen's feels now. She lost the two love of her life and so am I.

Losing once is enough, but losing twice is too much.

Can I just plead onto Him to bring her back? She's all I need right now.

Damien and others rescued tita Helen who looks very weak right now. They calmed her on her seat while Leila ask me again if I can read mine.

I was contemplating with myself if I will read. If I will, will I handle the pain? I don't know if I can.

I can't even look nor go near on her coffin. The reality suffocates me.

"It's okay if you can't —-."

"I'll do it."

I stood up and walks in front. I opened my letter to her and stare at it for a moment.

I was going to read it out loud when I folded the paper back not minding what people may think.

"Haven, just... be safe there with your father and with the Almighty God and I will be at peace. I love you. You'll be forever in my heart."

After the ceremony, I asked them to leave me here for some time. The girls are hesitant to left me but I insist. I want to be alone with her since she died.

I was holding the paper again. Thinking if I will read it but when the wind touches my heart, I know I have to read it now. I slowly open the letter and tears are forming now in my eyes.

Haven,

I heard you last night. You were sorry for leaving me right after our second wedding. You were asking for forgiveness. But love, I want you to know that you don't have to apologize and ask for my forgiveness. Because I know that you don't want that to happen. But believe when I said that I can finally at ease knowing that your suffering is now over even if my heart is broken because you're not here anymore. I can watch your welfare everyday, every second of your life but I don't want to prolong your pain. I don't know what keeps you alive but I am thankful and grateful that you choose to be alive.