The Golden Boy ⚣

12-chocolate

Chapter 12

Chocolate
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I think about it the whole night. I stay inside my room, just lying down on my bed and thinking.

I, even though Evie talked to me, I'm still conflicted. I still don't know how to approach Kile anymore.

So I go to my reliable helper; Google.

That definitely doesn't help me. Extreme opinions everywhere. I guess I should have expected that, as accepting homosexuality isn't part of the law or anything. It is a personal choice. And what will be mine?

Kile. Honestly, when I first met Kile, I couldn't give a smaller shit about him. The whole tutoring thing was annoying and a stick up my ass if I'm being honest. Kile isn't anything more than a nerd. A goody two shoes. A teacher's pet.

What is it even about him, that I like? I don't know. Is it how he's always happy? Or he always has the goofiest smile when we meet. Or maybe it's his appetite, which is pretty much an endless pit. 

The more I think about it, the more I start coming up with new things I love about him.

Are you willing to give up your relationship just because he's attracted to guys?

Of course not. I want to be friends with him forever. I don't want to ditch him. He's almost like Hale and Evie, he's a close friend of mine. 

But then I remember what happened that night, and I won't be able to close my eyes without having the flashbacks run through my mind. I hate it. God, I hate it. I hate it so much.

But it isn't fair of me to project my resentment onto Kile. It would be like hating all Mexicans because one Mexican stabbed me. 

Logically, I know that Kile didn't do anything wrong, that him being bisexual isn't wrong.

But emotionally it's tough for me to handle. It's tough for me to imagine him with a boyfriend one day, and if I'm being frank, having sex with men. It makes my skin crawl. It makes me feel like throwing up, the idea of someone touching me, the thought of being so vulnerable like that, with no boundaries, with no sort of defense. 

But by the morning, I know what my decision is. I know what I have to do, how I actually feel even given the circumstances.

I know I'll never be able to return to being the same old Arryn Donatello, because that boy permanently lost a part of himself that night, on that bed, under him. But I can always try to be that old boy, the golden boy. I know what I have to do; The old Arryn Donatello won't have given a shit if you like boys or girls, because all he cares about is his friends. 

And since Kile is a precious friend of mine, I have to apologise and hope he takes me back.

He doesn't come to school the next 2 days.

I wait for him at the top of the steps, but he never shows up. I text him multiple times, and even give in and call him, but he's obviously ignoring me. I wish he would at least read my texts, because I want to apologise.

I went to wait outside the theatre room yesterday for our class, but he never shows up. He really is pissed.

I'm holding off on going and actually meeting him at his house, because I'm, to put it simply, a damned coward. I know I will jumble my words and won't be able to articulate what I want to say properly if we are all alone in his house. 

"I can't come for practice today." I tell Hale, as the bell for our final class rings.

"What? Why?" he asks. "Dude, you can't keep doing this. Coach is going to get pissed and I'm running out of cover stories."