i hate that i love you...

chapter 4- what's wrong with me?

Word count: 694

The next few days were so awkward. In class, we didn't talk at all. He would usually just annoy me in class to piss me off. Usually, I would hate it, but now I kinda missed it. 

 Whenever I looked at Oikawa I would blush and turn away. I couldn't help it. It was just instinct I guess. Maybe I liked him, wait no, there's no way I did. I was supposed to hate him. Plus, it was Oikawa. The cocky, whiny, popular boy who got on my last nerve. But at the same time, why did I get so flustered whenever I saw him. What the fuck is wrong with me? 

About a week after the whole detention incident, we were in geometry and I felt a pencil tap my neck. That was right where my bruise was, so I winced in pain and turned, I looked at Oikawa and he whispered, "Michelle,  you okay? You've been weird all week. Not talking. Not even making fun of me, which is weird for someone as mean as you."

I've spent all week trying to avoid him. Whenever I saw him my stomach felt weird. Like I had a knot in my stomach. I hadn't  liked anyone in over a year. The only other person I've really liked was Kageyama. But he was one of my best friends, so I never told him. I had to repress those feelings, and it hurt so fucking much. I had to hear him talk about all these other girls he found cute and tried to be happy for him. I don't wanna do that again, so the best thing to do now is to not get them in the first place. There's no way in hell I was gonna like him. And definitely not Oikawa out of all people. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, leave alone Turoo, you're giving me a headache" I said, limiting eye contact with him. 

"You just seem weird, I mean, weirder than usual." He chuckled. 

I just ignored him, but he kept looking at me and tilting his head, waiting for an answer. 

"Leave her alone Oikawa, she clearly doesn't wanna talk to you right now." Iwa said from behind us. 

After that Oikawa shrugged it off and turned back to his desk. I turned to Iwa and have him a small smile as a 'thank you' for getting me out of that. He nodded his head in response and gave me a small smile back. 

Maybe I wasn't scared of liking Oikawa. I think I was scared of liking someone in general. Feelings are weird, and I rarely like talking about them to anyone. Feelings are probably the scariest thing I can think of. There was always a chance of that heartbreak. My parents are an example of that. 

My dad walked out on us when I was 10. Ivy had just been born, so she doesn't remember it, or anything about him. My mom was so heartbroken when he left. She stayed in bed for days, leaving me to take care of the house, and Ivy. I could barely function myself when he left. I thought it was my fault, hell, I still think it's my fault. He was fine before I was born, and when I was a baby. So what did I do? Was his own daughter too much for him to handle? Did he not love me like he would say he did? That bastard. 

Anyways, now I was 16, and my dad was dead to our family. We didn't know where he was, and we didn't care. It did affect me a lot though, I just have this fear of people leaving me. I always feel like one day someone will know too much, and leave. 

I just wanted this class to be over. This was our last class and I wanted to go home. I just couldn't get Oikawa out of my head. Maybe when I was home and away from him, I wouldn't think of him as much. There's no way he liked me, right? He probably has a girlfriend anyways. It didn't matter.