Poetry Jar // Wattys Shorts Winner

BONUS: when I say I love you

I'm not the prettiest girl in the room,
nor is my smile the brightest
I don't sprinkle fairy dust when I walk
There is no glitter in my talk

I pick cucumbers out of my sandwiches
And I smudge my eyeliner far too often
I do not have a breathy voice
That leaves men with little to no choice

I almost never paint my nails
I think my hair resembles racoons
Sometimes I wonder if it's the fat on my thighs
Or maybe it's the dark circles under my eyes

I take liberties in reaching to conclusions
I allow my anxieties to spin my head
The spirals keep pushing my true feelings down
But you'll never find me sporting a frown

I only let these feelings in at night
When the world crumbles away softly
Not even your presence or perfume
It's only me and my fears in this room

So when you say you love me
or that I'm worthy of you affections
I think of it as a pretty white lie
I doubt you'd miss me when I say goodbye

And when you insist that you love me
I will swallow my fears like a bitter pill
Even if it's always on the back of my mind
Even if I think you're a little blind

Don't be offended when you try to hold me
And my first instinct is to flinch away
Because I will cuddle up to you someday
And I will thank you for taking in this castaway

I promise to love you more than I can
Give you more affections than my heart can hold
For a person so patient, made of gold
I'll even let my rhymes burn

I may not be the prettiest girl in the room
Nor do I have the courage to love you loudly
but in my silence I'll let down my guard
I'll love you even if loving myself is hard

I'll forget how you like your rice
I might order pizza without the pineapples you like
But I won't forget our first kiss in the rain
I'll hurt myself a million times before I give you pain

When I say that I love you
I will mean it with more than my heart
I will love you like a painter loves his art
I'll love so hard I'd forget to hate myself

****

Bonus: when I say I love you was written in this past week, and I immediately knew it belonged nowhere else but the conclusion of Poetry Jar. This also felt like a great way to thank everyone who has voted/commented/read my poems in the past few days since we got shortlisted in the Wattys Shorts. Whatever the results may be, I am very very proud of this achievement. (No matter how cool it would be to actually win a Watty!) Your overwhelming love for this anthology has really encouraged me to come back to my poems more frequently, and I could not be more grateful!

With this, I finally conclude Poetry Jar. Thank you for reading, thank you for loving, and I apologize for the heartbreak that made you relate to this collection. I promise things will get better. 

Love, 
Pari C.