🌸~Norma's Journal~🌸

~I Want Answers~

I've lost track of how long I've been sitting on this freaking uncomfortable pain in the ass bench, note to self, replace the benches or put some sort of padded cushion covers over the wood, my ass is numb, actually my whole body is numb although that probably isn't down to the the sodden bench. How could I have not seen this sooner? Why didn't I listen to Norman or Dylan. I'm such an idiot. So many questions in my mind, I feel my heart beating so fast I fear it might actually just stop, I'm trying to regulate my breathing as calmly & quietly as possible, don't want to worry Norman or Emma, but it's hard. I feel my head spinning, my chest tightening & I'm clinging onto the thought of counting to 10 for dear life but I get as far as 6 and then I think of something else & I start struggling to breath all over again. Did he touch me after he touched her?, how long after being with her was he with me? Surely he showered? Did he rape her before our date? After? Was she always conscious?  Was he thinking about anyone when he forced himself on her? Or was it just some uncontrollable urge & I couldnt satisfy it? Oh God. How long has she been held down there? How old was she when it first happened? Did he ever hurt her when I was in the house?

My mind snapped, I couldn't take it anymore, I needed to know the answers to these questions, the thought of that poor girl, underage, terrified, alone and nobody to help her or fight for her, not anymore. The lying Son of a bitch isn't getting away with this, I'm going to speak to him & I'm not leaving until he tells me what I want to know. Deep down I know this is not a good idea, he's dangerous, has a gun, the police department behind him not to mention Keith's belt, but all that doesn't seem to matter right now as rage engulfs & surges through me.

Fucken Norman stopped me from going anywhere, I was so angry at him I lashed out, tried to hit him away from me & get him out the car. Can you believe he actually jumped in through the window whilst I was driving, idiot, I could have ran over him.

He grabbed the steering wheel & we went round in circles, gravel flying everywhere, no doubt scratching the paint on my car. I eventually stopped the car and Norman grabbed the keys & threw them out of the window. Seriously? I'm not searching for them, he can sure as hell do it. He doesn't understand why I need to see Zack, I really, really need to see him, I told Norman I just wanted to talk to him but Norman knows me too well & that I'll let my emotions get in the way & I know myself after my own abuse & trauma I suffered I'm probably more like to lose my shit & slap the shit out of him, but I've too much to lose, Norman is right, we need to deal with it the proper way, we need to be adults about this & speak to Sheriff Ass-... Romero. But it's just so unfair, I can't stomach the thought of him getting away with it, everyone always gets away with everything. My whole life I've had to put up with things, had things taken away from me or had someone control and hurt me and its not fair. Why? Why do bad people keep getting away with doing bad things.

Norman managed to calm me down finally, I felt myself being able to breath a bit better, we both agreed to wait and do this the right way. That lying, disgusting dirtbag will pay for this. Just not tonight. If I'm being honest I've no idea what I would have done when I seen him and he could have hurt me. It's for the best to wait. But it still doesn't make the pain in my heart or the sickness in my stomach go away.

Crap. Just realised Emma is standing by the motel office, she just saw the whole thing if me driving my car round in circles with Norman hanging out the window. She is most definitely going to think I am crazy now.
-Norma