hot and bothered

boofuckinghoo

authors note: hi stranger! enjoy today's chapter i will be editing it later just wanted to get something out for you guys xo

y/n's pov:

b: "goodbye, y/n."

I felt my heart hit the ground as the dial tone strung. The hot tears fell down my face and I felt all the demons in my head begin to argue. I gripped my messed up bed sheets trying to hold in my anger, I am so stupid so full of shit. I took in a large breath and exhaled softly. I shut off my phone and cried myself to sleep. The self pity I had was disgusting, I knew what I did to her,

yet i was the one crying.

The morning after I hopped into the shower letting the hot water hit my back until it hurt.

I decided to throw myself a pity party and head over to my favorite coffee shop and just take in the Los Angles air. I slip on my shoes, lock my apartment door and made my way toward my car. I sit in the driver seat placing my forehead against the wheel.

"You're an idiot. You're an idiot. You're an idiot."

"You were in love, and out of jealousy you acted out of spite."

"I cant even forgive myself."

"I hurt her. I crushed her."

I hit my head against the wheel softly and shook off my consuming thoughts. I plugged in my phone and scrolled through my Apple Music menu. Her songs were all I was greeted by as I scrolled through the app. I downloaded all her songs just to feel closer to her.

you can pretend you don't miss me.
you can pretend you don't care.
all you wanna do is kiss me.
oh, what a shame, i'm not there.

Her voice was seductive and antagonizing. I miss the way her raspy yet smooth voice would sound in my ear. The shock that would run through my body when she spoke was like no other. The way she would beg me to press my lips against hers.

"I miss you."

"I do care my love. You're all I ever wanted."

"I miss your full lips on mine. The way it felt when you placed your hand on the nape of my neck."

"... But you're not here anymore."

I wipe the revisiting tears off my face and continue driving. The LA traffic didn't help my current situation, it gave me a chance to sit and think, when all I wanted to do was shut my fucking brain off. I wanted it to stop working, just stop reminding me of all the things I did wrong.

what is it you want?
you can lie,
but i know that
you're not fine.
every time you talk,
you talk 'bout me,
but you swear i'm not on
your mind.

The song continued to play and I felt as if it was really her speaking to me, taunting me. The way she enunciated her words, so softly, so seductive. I wanted her wrapped in my arms again. The way she made me feel safe and loved like no other.

somebody new,
is gonna comfort you
like you want me to.
somebody new,
is gonna comfort me
like you never do.

I felt a pinch at my heart and turned off the song. I was torturing myself. I pulled up to the coffee shop. It was the coffee shop I went to the day she asked me to be hers.

The way I self sabotaged myself was astonishing. It was a toxic trait of mine, I always found a way to fuck myself over. The waiter sat me down at a little table and I ordered my coffee and began to look around.