n i n e

34 1 0

by sunharolds

by sunharolds

Julia's POV

"Harry, can you get my work bag in the bedroom?" I shouted, making sure we had all of our stuff before leaving for the airport.

"Sure, love. Do you have my jacket?"

"Yep, I have that and your shoes."

"Alright! Let's go!" Harry sighed as he grabbed the suitcase. I threw my work bag over my shoulder and intertwined my free arm with Harry's.

Outside the airpirt, there's already a group of fans waiting for Harry.

"Harry! Can we get a picture? Please?" One of the girls asked. There only seemed to be five or six fans there so Harry willingly took pictures with them and chatted a bit.

"Julia, can you get in the picture too? You guys are just the cutest!" I smiled and stepped next to Harry in the picture.

I loved when Harry's fans said positive, nice things about our relationship. I always felt the need to impress them. As if they were his family that I had to make an impression on.

Airports usually send me into some sick frenzy of anxiety and worry, since I'm normally there without Harry. This time, it was different. I was happy to be going home. I was happy that I had Harry with me. I was happy, for the most part.

For the past few days, I have had a sinking feeling in the back of my head. It was almost like the feeling you get when you are nervous about a test or school. I wasn't nervous about flying or work, I didn't know why I felt the way I did. Or maybe I had an idea.

Over the years I've been with Harry, I've honestly never been happier. He is the light of my life. He brought me out of my darkest times. But, along with the great times we have together also come the horrible ones. The ones when I'm stuck alone not knowing how to get rid of that feeling that I'm about to die while he's gone.

I've thought about leaving him before. I don't want to and it could possibly only make things worse but sometimes I feel like it's my only option. Making new relationships close to home, finding someone with a compatible lifestyle, isn't that what I need? Don't I need someone who's going to be close by, considering my circumstances? Would leaving Harry and finding a way to move on and live a new life work? It all seems to make so much sense yet I also have a feeling that I'd blame myself for everything and just become so much worse than I already am. Why would leaving Harry solve my grief of not being with him? Sometimes I feel like it would work and just make things better. I wouldn't have to worry about him leaving and me having more episodes.

But of course, there's the strong possiblitiy that it wouldnt work. Like the fans outside the airport. They were happy to invite me into their picture. They loved our relationship. They saw that we were happy and that we were ultimately made to be together. I have people, strangers even justifying why I should stay with Harry no matter how hard it may be. I'd be ruined without him, I just wouldnt be myself. He makes me a better version of myself, without him I'd be missing my better half. He helps mold me into the person I want to be. I never want to be parted from him. When I think of "leaving" Harry I'm not thinking about leaving him because I want to or because I'm not happy in the realtionship, I think about leaving behind the constant dread of speration anxiety. If I'm the one walking away, it won't as bad. Will it?

Without any doubt, over the course of a day, Harry is my favorite hello. But, he's also my greatest, most painful goodbye.

There is no question, Harry is my greatest goodbye.