Benjamin and Brittany

My Heart Dies

Tuesday came . Benjamin and I are at a hotel . Were playing video games , laughing , smiling , we were SO HAPPY nothing ever got to us . I wish I could share that feeling with everybody else . We were just sitting there playing video games when five cops busted into the hotel door . They grabbed Benjamin and were so rough with him . I tried to push them off but one of the cops grabbed me . I'm crying , screaming " NO PLEASE " tears had never come so easy till now . The love of my life was being taken from me like it was nothing . Like he was nothing and I couldn't do anything about it . Benjamin screamed "I love you forever baby" and that was the last thing I got to hear him say . I sat on the floor for almost an hour crying . All I could think about was the last thing he told me and how I was yelling no . I should've said it back or something . I finally fount the strength to get up . Check out wasn't till the morning so I'd laided back down and cried myself to sleep . When I woke up my head was throbbing . I realized I didn't wake up to Benjamin beside me or on the phone . I couldn't even hear his voice , I just wanted to hear his voice . I checked out and went home and told my mom everything and she drove me to the police station . Benjamin was already booked and assigned a cell . The lady there was so nice she let me visit him that same day . He comes through that door my whole chest just felt a little bit less tight now that I knew he was okay . We couldn't touch but I wanted to hug him so bad . Kiss him and tell him it'll be all okay . He sat down and I asked him "are you okay" . He broke down crying . He said he hated himself for this . I felt so bad for him & that I couldn't do anything I started to cry too .
** Conversation **
Me : Baby don't say that , I don't hate you you've made me the happiest girl ever
Benjamin : I can't live without you . Last night was the worst I couldn't think about anything else but you screaming and crying , are you okay baby ?
Me : I'm fine , let's focus on you! what'd they say ?
Benjamin : My next court date is two weeks from now . I can't do this without you I need you . I'm sorry for bringing you this much pain . I never wanted to ever hurt you , I never meant too .
Me : Bae look at me , you didn't hurt me do I miss you ? alot but we can't control it . just know i'll never leave your side!
Benjamin : I hate you have to see me like this , I hate I can't touch you . This is killing me , your really my whole heart walking outside of my body . I love you so much .
Me : I love you so much more .
Benjamin : The guard isn't looking right now come here .
I slid over and he kissed me . He couldn't hug me because one cuff was to the table .
Benjamin : We only have a minute left , talk about yourself for the rest of these 60 seconds . * smiles *
Man I loved his smile , he was my whole heart outside my body . For the next minute I talked about me me me & how i'd come visit him more than once a week . Benjamin had to go back so I had to leave . While the guard was walking him back and into that door till I couldn't see him anymore , those easy tears came again . I hated life itself at that moment . Two weeks passed and it was time for Benjamin's court date . When I visited him he never wanted to talk about his court date , his charges or what he could be facing . He just wanted to hear about my life . I always made sure I had something good to tell him because really I was dying on the inside and out without him . That day I got to court early so I could see them walk him in and everything . Even sit with him for a while before court started . His lawyer was so nice she let me sit in her chair beside him before the judge came in . Court was about to start and he kissed me and I went back to sit down right behind him . Y'all know how court goes . When it was time for sentencing I prayed it wasn't long term , I knew he'd do time because he was honest in court about the things he'd done . He only did that though just in case they had evidence and if he would've lied that'd be more time and he was just trying to get back to me . The judge's word crushed my whole body . Judge : All Rise , I hereby sentence you , Benjamin Tarrel Hills , three years in a state penitentiary without early release or the possibility of parole . Out of everything he could've said he said that . Benjamin looked at me but I couldn't be strong for him anymore . I broke down crying and he told me he loved me but I just ran out the courtroom . I couldn't take it . My whole heart away from me for three years . I start to question why ? WHY ME ? WHY COULDN'T I BE HAPPY !!! This was the day my heart died a first time .