Benjamin and Brittany

Death A Second Time

Benjamin had been in jail for five months now . Every month i'd always mark down from three years . Time was passing but it felt so slow . I visited him more than anybodies ever visited an inmate before , according to the lady who'd always give me the paper to check in . Being strong for him was so hard . Seeing him everytime walk in the doors and out broke me everytime . When we talked he'd always say "don't worry bout me , I wanna hear about you & what you been up too" . If he ever told me anything about how life was in prison all he'd say was "I read a lot of books." I missed my baby so much I was living for him at the moment . If there was no him ? It'd be no me . My mom felt like he was a waste of my time & that he'd ruined my life after he got locked up . Her opinions drove us apart because my love for him was forever & she knew that but she hated it . I moved out and was staying at Benjamin's place . When I told him he said I could stay as long as I wanted . Every little thing in that house reminded me of him it was so sad living there at times . Visitation hours had just started and I wanted to be early so I wouldn't have to wait . While i'm visiting Benjamin I notice he has a black eye and is moving his body funny like he's uncomfortable . I looked at him I said omg what happened !
Benjamin : Nothing it's nothing we were just playing in the yard
* I knew he was lying cause he couldn't even look me in the face .
Me : Your lying , tell me or ima say some
Benjamin : Baby NO you say something they'll move me
Me : Well tell me or ima leave
Benjamin : Baby don't leave lets talk tell me about y -
Me : NO i'm sick of talking about me . you wanna know about me ? I'm depressed and lonely! That's what about me now tell me what happened!
Benjamin : I'm sorry you feel that way & i'm sorry I can't make you happy right now but you gotta trust me ! I can't say too much right now .
Me : I love you but I can't do this
Benjamin : Brittany don't leave don't leave please I love you more
I walked out . I was upset , angry , sad , mad all in one , I hadda walk out . Unless I wanted to take all my anger out on him & I didn't because it wasn't his fault he was being beat on . When I visited him I visited him as many days as I could in a row but the next day I skipped . Instead I went and tried to find something to do to make me smile even a little bit . I went and got my hair done , my nails & feet done , went shopping and I took pictures . After that I took myself to this place that had inside go kart racing . Then after I got icecream and went home . I had fun all that day & it really took my mind off things . When I got home I noticed Benjamin's house had no kind of decorations! It was so dull so I did a late night Walmart run . I grabbed hell of decorations and food to stock the kitchen . His living room which only had a red couch and tv . Now had a yellow , grey and red theme kinda going on . Also put a little glass table together too to go in the middle on the grey rug I had bought too . The kitchen I didn't touch much . The hallways I filled with pictures of us in frames and with corny little stickers and decorations that said "family" , "love" etc . The bedroom I only bought new covers and I moved the bed around a little bit . When I got out the shower I got a call from Benjamin . He was on the phone and breathing hard like it was hard to talk . I said "are you okay" , he told me "yeah I just got down working out"
Benjamin : How come you didn't visit today
Me : Well honestly I was still upset about yesterday i'm sorry i'll be there tomorrow
Benjamin : I'm sorry ... well can you tell me about your day today then
Me : *tells him about everything*
Benjamin : I'm glad you enjoyed yourself baby , if you got to miss more days just to be happy thats okay i'm just glad to hear your voice
Me : I love you baby and I won't miss too many I'll b-
Benjamin : I love you too baby I gotta go I gotta go i'll see you tmr and no matters what happens just know I love you and will always run back to you! *hangs up*
Everything was just so suspicious too me like why was he acting like this ? Why couldn't he tell me anything ? The next morning I get up quick to visit him . I'm the first visitor there but that was nothing new . When I got there the lady remembered my face she knew who I was there to see but she looked so sad to see me . While i'm signing the paper I asked her was she ok . She grabs the paper from me and says baby you don't have to sign that lets talk first .
Me : Okay we can talk when I come out I really need to see him .
TL ( The Lady ) : Miss i'm sorry your not gonna be able to see him today or any other day
Me : What do you mean WHY ! WHY !
TL : Calm down hon -
Me : Don't tell me what to do OPEN THE DOOR OPEN THE DOOR WHY CANT I -
TL : BECAUSE HE PASSED away last night in a fight that later turned to a riot .
Me : What ?
TL : During the riot an inmate started a fire in a cell then closed the door on it with Mr.Hills inside .
Me : Then how do you know it was him ?
TL : His jumpsuit with his DNA on it was inside along with his body .
I left I couldn't take anymore of it . Like I said my heart broke everytime he walked in and out that door but it really was crushed when that lady told me that . I felt like throwing up in my mouth . My heart ached . I hated life more than anything in the world right now . Benjamin was the only reason I had to live . To tolerate life ! My heart died again , literally this time and I was ready to die along with it .