If I have stared at this ceiling once, I have stared at it a million times.
The same grooves, the same splat of paint that didn't match
I know it well, a bit too well.
My family has done nothing but joke at how well I know it
There's only one reason why I do.
I stare at the ceiling, wishing for another life.
Wishing for something better, hoping that I can be better
Hoping that I can get better, better than I am
I want to smile again, laugh again, joke again
I want to have purpose again, feel like I am someone again.
I want to be something to someone, anyone
I want to be someone's reason to smile
A reason to laugh, a reason to feel happy
Because right now, I'm not.
I'm just alone
Completely alone
When does it get better?
When can I get better?
Is there a magic phrase?
Is there some pill? Or trick?
Is there a way that I can get better?
I don't want to be who I am
I don't want to be who I am
I don't want to be who I am
I want to be someone to be proud of
I want to be someone with purpose
I want to be someone who matters
But until I can come to that realization
Until I can smile and think of the future
I'll stare at my ceiling
Listening to the same sad songs
Letting the tears roll down the side of my face
Just being here, breathing and alive
Because I can't call what I am living
No. I'm just alive
