Leisen's Journal

Entry #2

Dear Journal,

Paige kept a huge secret from me. I can't believe she would keep it from me. I understand why but I just can't believe she would keep it from me. I feel so atrocious for putting everything on her when she was going through hell herself. She has had it way worse than I have and she hasn't even said a damn word. I owe her so damn much that I don't know if I will ever make it up to her. I can't believe I didn't see the signs. The nightmares, the screaming, the crying, the scars, the dark circles under her eyes and the way she acted around other guys. I can't believe I didn't see it. I can't believe I didn't even notice how thin she was getting. Or how tired and exhausted she was getting. I'm the worst best friend alive.

She finally said something today and she had to deal with a lot of people questioning her and looking at her. She had to deal with her mom and the police. And now she has to deal with the court process and trying to get him in jail where he belongs. Even if he doesn't make it to jail, I'll put him in a place he deserves. I'll kill him if I see him ever again. I trusted him. I mean he was her grandfather for heavens sake. He was her family and he hurt her. He's been hurting her since she was nine years old. I trusted him and I liked him and I bonded with him. I'm disgusted with myself for not seeing it. Not seeing how she acted scared around him.

Cody would have seen it. I'm sure he would have. But he's not here anymore and I should've seen how him dying right in front of her would've affected her. But I didn't. I was selfish and only thought about how I lost my best friend. I think at one point I blamed her for his death even though she couldn't of seen it coming. She is the last piece of him that we all have. And she suffered alone. It's not fair to her. And no matter what I do, I know I will never ever be able to make it up to her.

She deserves way better. She is amazing. She could never even hurt a fly. She works so damn hard and I admire her for that. She's so sweet and kind and loves to help people. She hates it when others are sad. I don't know why god put such an amazing girl on this earth for her to only get hurt and live a horrific life. I know he's probably trying to make her stronger but right now she's suffering. She's been suffering for years and I hate it. She's mistreated and used by her family, she's lost so many people already. She's been abandoned. And she's barely hanging on. I want to protect her. I need to protect her and I know that's what Cody would do if he were here right now. So, that's what I'm going to do.

-Leisen