An Epic Love Story

7. Tears and Questions

Harry had finished unpacking and was lying on his bed.  The sun was beginning to set, and he started to feel a tiredness creep into his bones.  He hadn't had a decent night's sleep in ages.  Since before the war actually.  What he wouldn't give to have just one night of peace.  Where there were no dreams, no screams, no nightmares, no tears, no shaking, no betrayals, and no questions. 

Questions about who was to blame.  Who was right and who was wrong.  Who was the dark and who was the light.  And why was there so much hate in the world.  His mother had proven that love made the world go around just by dying for him.  His love for his fellow students, and basically everyone in the wizarding world was also testament to the fact that love should conquer all.  And it had.  Love had won.  Love was the power that the 'dark lord knows not'.  Why then, was the world filled with so much hate.  Where did it start, and where did it stop.

It felt like his heart wanted to burst.  From the emotional pain he felt at being used.  From the physical pain of his headaches and his scars.  From the loneliness he felt most of the time.  From having so much love, he just wanted to share.  From not hearing from anyone during his suffering.  From having to endure all of this with no one to share it with, or at least to help carry the burden.  From the feelings he was having towards someone.  Knowing that they would never be reciprocated.  Never be returned.  And so he started crying.  He cried until he felt he couldn't anymore.  And then he cried some more.

His tears were streaming down his face, quietly.  His body shaking with sobs that no one could take away, and there was no hope that they would stop anytime soon.  He let out a choking sob, just letting the tears fall.  Grateful for thinking ahead that he had put a silencing charm on his door, no one could hear him.  But he could hear them.  Every now and then there was a knock at his door.  Friends asking if he was all right.  Did he need anything?  Did he want to talk? 

He did want to talk, but not now.  He had to let go of some of the anger and heartbreak before he spoke to anyone.  He knew this.  He couldn't bear facing them with such anger, because that would make them fear him, and he wasn't ready for that.  If they didn't already.  Thinking back to what had happened in the hall, he felt sudden shame.  He thought that if he cried his heart out, everything would be all right.  Just let it go, and when the time was right for him, he would put a smile on his face and show them all he really was the same Harry. 

Except he wasn't.  He was so broken.  Eighteen years old, and here he was wishing he was dead.  Why hadn't he died that day of the mission?  Then he wouldn't have to feel all of this pain, this anger, and this confusion.  He had meant what he had said to Robards.  Friends and brothers don't betray each other.  He obviously was never thought of as such.  Because he had been betrayed so often by so many.  This revelation made him cry even more.  He was worthless.  His life had meant nothing to anyone.  Raised as a weapon, he had done what was expected, and now that it was over, nobody cared.

But he still cared.  About his friends.  About Dumbledore.  About Hagrid, and all the staff.  About Hogwarts.  It was his home, and he couldn't bear leaving.  The walls and corridors held so many secrets, and if he was honest with himself, he knew that every single part of the school was inside him.  The hall where he had been sorted in his first year.  The deserted girls bathroom that held the entrance to the chamber of secrets.  Dumbledore's office where he had thrown a tantrum the night Sirius had died.  The quidditch pitch, where he had won so many games for the Gryffindor team.  The forbidden forest where he had gone to look for an injured unicorn, and to kill Voldemort.  The room of requirement, that had transformed in so many different ways for him during his stay here.

Feeling exhausted, he thought he heard something at his open window.  But he decided to ignore it.  He wasn't finished crying yet, and dammit he would finish.  This was his alone time, and any owl that had been sent could fly back to where it came from.  He turned towards the wall, laying on his side, he carried on with his sobbing.  He felt a gentleness on his bed, as if someone was sitting next to him.  He looked towards the movement, and saw Fawkes.  Before he could say anything, Fawkes climbed onto his very muscular arm, and squeezed his claws into Harry.

He felt a sudden warmth fill him, like a soft glow, or a warm blanket, and heard the most beautiful song coming from the creature.  He tried to reach up and stroke the beautiful feathers, but felt a rush of love being sent to him.  The emotion was so powerful that he passed out, and his hand dropped to the bed completely unaware of what had happened.  Fawkes stayed a while longer, making sure that Harry would not wake soon.  Then he flew off to let Dumbledore know what had happened.

Dumbledore reached the common room soon after, accompanied by Snape and Mcgonagall.  The students were surprised to see them all rush in.  Dumbledore said that no matter what happens next, to please stay where they were, and not crowd him.  He would definitely answer all their questions later, but for now, he had to focus on the job at hand.  The students looked at him as if he had grown another head.  Nothing he said was making any sense.  They all stood up, and let the teachers pass.  Mcgonagall stayed downstairs with the students to make sure that they did indeed do what was asked of them.

Dumbledore and Snape climbed the stairs and went straight to Harry's door.  They knocked gently, making sure that manners were still maintained, even if he was passed out.  The beauty of being the headmaster was that, in any emergency he had the ability to open any locked door, which had been charmed or not, and so he did just that.  "Severus, I will stay here, while you see to Harry", said the headmaster softly.  Snape gave a stiff nod of his head, and entered the room of H.J.Potter.