An Epic Love Story

26. Explanations

When they reached their common room, Harry being the last to enter, turned round and closed the door.  Looking up, he saw that they were all staring at him.  He apologized to Draco and Hermoine for not using the speech that they had helped him with, and that was waved away with a hand by a very angry Hermoine.  "We don't care about the bloody speech Harry, we care about what you said.  Why didn't you ever tell us?  Is there more that we don't know about?", she cried.  Harry walked up to her and sighed deeply.  

Giving her a brotherly hug, he just held her.  Seeing them all have this much emotion from the speech, he was suddenly feeling very vulnerable.  He saw that they all had millions of questions.  Letting go, he said yes there was more, but he didn't think they had to know about it, as it was all in the past.  Everyone started muttering and pointing fingers, shouting that he had to tell them.  It needed to be said, if they all truly wanted to heal.  The abuse that Harry had been through, shaped him into the man he was today, and he knew they were right.  

Abuse had consequences.  And he had mentioned that this year was going to be epic, so why not start with the truth.  "All right, but you're not going to like it", he said with resignation.  Grabbing beers from the fridge, they all positioned themselves on the couches and waited for him to start talking.  "I never knew what it was like to have a birthday or a Christmas.  Gifts and cake, well that just wasn't in the cards for me.  The first time I ever received a gift for Christmas, was when I stayed here in my first year, and Ron's mother sent me a jersey and some mince pies.  Before that, I didn't know that presents were a big part of the celebration.  The muggles who raised me, told me that my parents died in a car crash, and that the scar on my forehead was from the same crash.  I should have died with them, and then I wouldn't be a burden on them.  I heard that every day".

You could slice through the emotion in the room.  Heavy sorrow, and some hate was residing in some of them, Harry could feel it coming off of them in waves.  But he had chosen to forgive.  He hoped that they would too.  How can you preach kindness, and live with hate and revenge in your heart.  He would be wasting his time if he had given in to that.  And as far as he was concerned, enough time had been spent on those emotions anyway.  Better to live and let live.

He carried on.  "For the first eleven years of my life, I lived in a cupboard under the stairs, it was the sort of cupboard that holds shoes, umbrellas etc, and.."

"Did you say cupboard?", shrieked Pansy.

"Yes.  I was locked in actually", he replied.  He could see the shock and horror on their faces.  This is why he didn't want anyone to know.  This was the reaction he had never wanted.  She got up, ran to Harry and hugged him.  "Those bastards.  I am so sorry Harry, no one should ever have to go through that.  We were just awful to you, weren't we?  Oh my god, how can you ever forgive us?", she asked softly, with tears running down her face.  Harry wiped her tears, took her hands in his, and replied the best way he knew how.

"Pansy, this has nothing to do with you.  It's not your fault the way I was raised.  Now, should I go on or not?", he asked raising a brow, but thankful for the love she was showing.  She nodded and sat next to him.  "I was allowed out only to do chores.  Cooking, cleaning, sweeping, you name it.  And if my chores weren't done up to scratch, no food.  The days I did get food, it was scraps that they didn't want.  I remember one year, I wrote to Hermoine and asked her to send food because my aunt was putting Dudley on a diet.  And because he couldn't suffer alone, everyone had to eat the same thing.  She, Ron, Hagrid, they all rose to the occasion and sent sweets, pies, cakes, you name it.  There was a loose floorboard in my room where I could hide all the food away", he said with a smile remembering the rush of emotion he had felt for his friends.

"Look, the next part is pretty awful, so if you're really sure you want to hear it", he said, hoping that they had indeed heard enough.  They all said yes, they wanted to hear everything.  Taking the last sip of his beer, he got up to get another one.  When he asked who else wanted one, there was no answer.  Apparently they were all too busy listening to him, instead of drinking theirs.  He rolled his eyes at their dramatics, and took his seat once again.  

"Scars.  Scars are a part of life I think, and while they tell a story, it's not necessarily a bad one.  To me, scars are there to tell you what you went through, and while it was shitty at the time, it didn't break you.  It speaks of how you survived.  When someone tries to break you and your spirit, the scars that remain, speak of bravery.  Hermoine knows what I'm talking about.  Draco knows what I'm talking about.  I was beaten within an inch of my life often, and I have the scars to prove it.  The mental scars, that's what makes a person unique, I think.  The lightning bolt on my forehead.  The 'I must not tell lies' from that bitch Umbridge.  The bite on my forearm from the basilisk, are nothing in comparison.  And I was beaten for the fun of it.  For the power it gave them.  Who was I to defend myself.  A mere boy that had no clue of why it was happening, just that it was part of life", he said with a sigh.  

He stood up, and turned his back towards them.  "That is my story.  Like I said earlier, I don't want your pity, I don't want your apologies, I want your love, and your laughter, and I want to feel your hope.  The shit that we all went through, there was a reason for it, and we all heard the call.  But now, it's time for new growth.  And a beer.  Those of us who are lucky enough can go to our rooms, and have a good thorough snog, and pass out from the sheer ecstasy", he laughed.

Turning back to them, he knew they would never pity him, and for that he was extremely grateful.  They all laughed at what he had said about snogging, when Pansy decided to take her chance.  "Thank you for sharing that with us Harry, I know it wasn't easy.  Thank you for trusting us enough to.  As for the snogging, who are you going to snog with then?", she asked with a smirk.  Everyone raised their beers, and ooohed and aaahed, at the prospect of Harry snogging someone.

"I don't know what you're talking about.  I have no one to snog.  Yet", he replied with his own smirk.  Remembering the taste of Draco, but also that he was angry with him, he would wait.  Actually, he found that he would wait forever for the blond Slytherin.  He smiled at them, and carried on drinking.