365 Unread Messages [Discontinued] [Rewriting With New Characters]

Day Thirty-Two

To: Gavin Free

From: Ray Narvaez Jr

Sent: September 2, 2017

Why is everything so hard lately Gavin? Why is getting out of bed hard? Why is going to work hard? Why is laughing and smiling hard? Why?

I just want things to go back to the way they were. I want us all to be happy at Rooster Teeth. I want you to be here and I want to be able to laugh with you and all the other guys. I want life to return to how it should be.

Thank god it is Saturday. I did not go to work for a few days but that's because....well, Michael told you what happened. But I didn't try to kill myself like he did. I just, fell asleep. I fell asleep and couldn't wake up. The next thing I knew I was in the hospital with mostly everyone from the company visiting at some point.

By the looks on their face, I knew they thought I did it intentionally. Please believe me when I say I didn't. Life just became so difficult and I just wanted to sleep. I didn't care where I was. I just picked a bad spot to think like that I guess.

You never knew what it was like to look at the faces of the people you loved and see them scared, hurt, and sympathetic toward you. They treated me like I wasn't even Ray. It hurt.

I don't know how longer I can work for this company. Maybe I will stream on Twitch or go back to YouTube or do something, anything, else. This past month has been hell. I need a new change of pace.

I need a fresh start somewhere new. Somewhere away from everything I know or have known. Somewhere away from memories of you.

I love you Gavin. I love all you guys. But it's time for Ray to leave Austin. Maybe Michael will go with me. Maybe not. Either way, I can't stay here too much longer.

I can't be in this much pain every day.