The Investigator and the Assasin

(19) Retracing Steps

"Okay so here is what we know so far.."

George cleared his throat as he attempted to rid the lump in his throat.

An effort to confirm he was fine and that he wasn't about to break down, yet it didn't prove anything at all.

"Hey, if you're not ready to start.. that's completely fine.."

George shook his head, forcing himself to open the file, "I can't just keep crying anytime I think of it... I have to do this."

The other's hand gently began to rub circles into George's shoulders.

"That's fine and all, but don't block out your grieving process, it's not healthy."

He sighed, it didn't make sense, everyone always told him blocking out his emotions wasn't healthy, but they were hypocrites.

They did the same thing.

His old school counselor; the person you confide in and open up to, was the most closed-off person he'd ever met.

She opened up one day and it turned out she was struggling more than anyone could complain about.

Her husband having died whilst serving in the cast guard; she was so distant from her children that she didn't even know what their favorite colors were, and she was short on money.

She couldn't afford rent meaning she would have to work overtime, but how much money could she possibly get as a minimum wage middle school counselor?

George knew at that moment, that he needed to suck it up; he had no right to complain about his problems when people were going through much worse.

At least, that's how he thought about it.

She eventually ended up being let go due to a younger person showing much more 'potential' than her, and that they were younger meaning they could 'connect' better with the students.

George never complained to anyone after that, he kept his mouth shut and did as told. He didn't know what happened to her, but her problems were worse than his stupid ones.

Multiple times had he gone to her room because he was struggling with socializing with people quieter than him.

He had only then realized how much he actually changed.

He went from this cocky, arrogant extrovert, who wasn't afraid to speak his opinions or laugh out loud in a public space, to this... Calm, collected, closed off introvert.

Yet Clay had managed to be the one to break the dam.

All his emotions were suddenly all over the place as his walls crumbled to the ground, things he had gotten good at blocking out were suddenly being overtaken by this blonde man he had so helplessly fallen in love with.

It didn't make sense to George as to how a person could feel so much from just one experience.

"George, are you going to tell me what you know or keep drooling over me?"

He rolled his eyes, his mind completely fogging up as he forgot what he was thinking about. In a matter of seconds had his thoughts immediately been overtaken by Clay.

It wasn't fair, he was considered dangerous.

He could shoot someone from 100 yards and not miss, he could hack, improvise, strategize and he knew so much information.

He was a threat to his own government, yet here he was.

Left completely defenseless and weak under the others' gaze and touch.