reason to live (short story) - (UPDATED)✔️

alone.

-Nolan

the rain is comforting. i watched its strokes of puddles cause a chaotic collision with the concrete ground from the condo's glass wall. the warmth of sweet-scented coffee filling the living area while i paint a poetic corruption of my thoughts engaging on a canvas.

the boldest strokes become my main focus while i hum to sweet historical tunes that appear to have been a part of my childhood. this was a personal thing for me, my therapist said it would help me cope with this and for some reason, i have yet to make this a dismissive decision.

i don't wanna replacement of pity. distractions and happiness are not the same, i've acknowledged such foes in myself by avoiding to think about such case scenarios, and hobbies do no good of helping me realize anything more.

although this may be true, i'd lie if i said i didn't have a favorite distraction. a goddess beneath my feet had once approached me, his touch a golden delight. i fell in love and for hours on end, he was my favorite thought. and on and on until i could no longer think farther more of myself, i thought of him instead.

p.s Nolan Lane

—
i lie under the warmth of a blanket on the bed as i focus closely to the large screen. Ren called today for an update about my meds, it bothers me that my mother would go to such distance with the whole thing, i'm no longer a teenager and it's stupid to attract such unnecessary forces to my life.

Ren's my garden angel, she checks up frequently about my well-being and apart from most she's never seen me as anything thing other than who i am. she always wears her dark long locks in a bun as the tint of her dark skin shakes through the earth's core, she was in fact a beautiful woman and for that, i'd presume most would be envious of her distinct facials.

i adore her most. her soft tone could captivate animals if she sang and even through a lifetime of accompanying her presence, she's never raised her voice to anyone, not even a bit. her mysterious personality runs frail around me because from now and then she'd point a small smile my way. she's a friend of mine and i love her deeply.

i change through movies as i look at the different varieties, as i did so i took notice of hearing the front door open and for that, i predict that Elliot has arrived. my hypothesis was correct when i saw him poke his head out from the door of our shared bedroom with a big bold smile.

i return the favor by smiling back as he walks towards me to use his hand to pull me forwards for a soft peek on the lips. my body instantly shuttering with waves of butterflies from his show of affection. "today was a hard one." he says with a semi cheerful voice, hesitation written through the cracks of each word.

i see right through him.

it's been hard for him to work lately, he's been taking so much notice of my emotions that i think he fails to build up the destruction of his own. every time i think about him, flashbacks of the time we found out what was wrong with me come running back, and with them is the strained expression on his face, conflict running through his veins.

i felt guilty, still do. even with the reassurance that this is not something i can control, it still hurts to know i'm making things harder for him. it sucks to realize that he puts my priorities above all, even his own. although i'm glad to say he's my lover, i feel as though there is more to our relationship than most. yet he's never made it out to be abnormal.

and for that, i'll always secretly praise him.

while i have set aside those thoughts, i'd noticed that Ellie went to take a shower in the bathroom connected to our bedroom. i twirl my fingers around, fettling with something to past time. after about fifteen minutes or so, he came out. his brunette ends dripping of water with a towel over his damp hair revealing his bangs in the process along with another towel wrapped firmly around his waist.

he drops the towel around his waist revealing his nude body for close eyes like me to see. and one after the other he'd finally got dressed. after cleaning up his mess he had joined me into the bed. "come here." he says with a soft tone before pulling me against his clothed chest. i smile letting the feeling of his hands caressing my cheeks along with the sweet scent he carried.

tonight, was like one of most. where love was the admiration for the both of us.