reason to live (short story) - (UPDATED)✔️

sleep deprivation// exhaustion.

Nolan

  i tried. you make ways for distractions, you do. and illnesses aren't excuses for excluding your practical needs. i could've pretended my wellness, could've smiled and played along.

i just couldn't face today, not today. it wasn't the urging feeling of comfort that i longed, it's the exhaustion. the strength of my sanity, as i feel my vulnerability slowing stroking the ends of that thin line.

  i won't break, i promise. i'm just tired of today, not the kind that sleep can help and not the kind energy can faze, just tired. but i'll be fine, always am. this is just one of those days where explanations aren't valid in terms of stress, the urging sense of loneliness while finding comfort with the dark figures you grow fond of with sleep deprivation.

this was the conclusion of life.
—
  i look to the moon as its dust of stars leaves trails of lines that i can make out through the glass wall of the condo. the silence between Elliot and i would be alarming if i hadn't known him better than i do. he's angry, he has every right to be.

  "how long have you been awake?" he questions in a calming demeanor while walking towards me as he softly turns me towards him. "didn't sleep." my voice is strained with exhaustion as my body grows frail and weaker to the conditions of my will to sleep.

  "i couldn't, still can't. just- don't have it in me, i tried i promise." i continue, hesitantly stepping closer to him. his face was expressionless but i knew he was worried, he always is. "my body is tired but i can't force myself, i'm sorry." i look towards him as he lets out a small sigh.

  "stop busying yourself with everything all the time, you need rest." before i can comprehend his words he comforts me into his arms as a soft peck lands on my forehead. "stop apologizing for things you can't control," he replies softly while walking with me to our upstairs bedroom.

   settling me gently on the bed as i flow beneath the comforter, instantly exhaling at the sensation of his presence. "get some rest, i'm not going anywhere." he comments lying beside me, while securing himself against my body. sometimes i wish you weren't the one picking up broken pieces all of the time.

you deserve better, i know. so i'll try to be better.