reason to live (short story) - (UPDATED)✔️

things we can't help.

the universe has a thousand expansions and yet, i can ever only travel beneath the sprouts of your wings.
—

Nolan

  the flower died, and everything that i figured i'd find beneath its presence did too. it didn't bother me, the loss of Delbi would've been much of a delight if my growing need to emotionally involve myself with inanimate objects weren't a thing. yet i sit, mourning a part of me through such a symbolic item, what a shame.

   so my fingers play a rhythmic tune in which they haven't in a long time, and i think back to taking care of such a needless plant. the words slipping off my tongue as my chaotic collision with the keys cluster a thought in my mind, everything rushing back at once. i stopped. i looked to the piano with full-on hesitation.

  "it's not like you to forget the lyrics of one of your favorite songs," Elliot concludes walking towards me, while settling himself beside me on the small stool. i nod, as he hums the familiar tune to himself. "you're right, i've completely forgotten how it sounds now." i reply brushing my fingers against the keys.

  "it's been a while since i've done this, much mercy is needed." the misleading smirk on my partners face as such a comment leaves me speechless. "you should give yourself more credit for your talents." he says fiddling with the keys as he creates a small structured song. "so should you." i imply by pointing out one of his nonchalant talents.

  "when you're a walking creation made by many factors of life there's not much of a need for praise mentality amongst others." my eyes close and i feel my fingers guide themselves to add onto his structured musical taste. "until the praising process starts to become from you," he adds on, i can feel his preying eyes land against me and i look back.

   "compliments should mean more coming from you, not because of self-awareness within every single accomplishment, but because you were able to know your worth to do it in the first place. you think baby Nolan would've continued to stress about piano lessons every day, if he didn't think he could do it? the sanity and vulnerability throughout every single one of your pieces makes them the strongest they've ever been. you're the strongest they've ever been."

"i just wish you understood that the way i want you to."

but i do.