So it goes ✔

[12]

"Babe, are you sure you're okay?" Luke asked as soon as we entered my room.

"I um, yeah, I'm okay, why do you ask, Lukey?"

"You keep zoning out and you're frowning as well. Is there something you need to tell me?"

"Uh? Tell you? No, there's nothing, we're good,"

"Was it Michael then?"

"What? Why does this have something to do with Michael?"

"I noticed you were acting strange around him since this morning. Not to mention you were awkward and fidgety as fuck during lunch. So clearly, something is bothering you. You seem even more out of it after the talk with Michael and I just assume. Sooo..."

"I... it-it's not Michael. I-it was me,"

"You?"

"I... I've got these thoughts since our last date a-and I..." I looked down at my lap, fidgeting my fingers anxiously as I don't know how to say it out loud to Luke. I wanted to come clean to him and just tell him because after all, he was my boyfriend now but I just... I don't know how. I'm afraid if I do, he'll get disgusted at me and just reject me. I don't know how he'll react.

"D-do you... regret it?"

"What? No of course, not. I could never regret it and that's the thing," fuck! It slips.

"What's the matter then? I don't want to push you to confess but it's making me sad to see you this disturbed and uncomfy," He gently pulled me onto his lap, caressing my cheek softly with his thumb. I smiled sadly at him but leant into the touch. Should I tell him? I mean, I kinda spilt it already, might as well just come clean, right?

"It's uh... I-I... I feel guilty,"

"Awe, love... why would you feel so?"

"This might sound silly and such nonsense and there's also a chance that you'll probably hate me after this but uh... I have too much fun. What we have right now, I- I enjoyed it way much more than I thought I would a-and I'm like the happiest I've ever been. You make me feel something b-but I don't what it is a-and all I know is, I... have never felt it when I'm around Mike or Cal. I don't know how I should react to this feeling but I know that deep down, I feel some guilt in there."

"And so what's the problem with feeling things you've never felt before? You enjoy it, you have fun and most importantly, you're happy. So why would you feel guilty?"

"I remember a moment from back to two years ago... the day Mikey told me about you and him. I remember his expression and how happy he was that day and it feels kinda unfair that I may or may not has the same feeling as him that day because he's my best friend and I know he likes you a lot but I just..."

"Honestly Ash, I don't see the problem here. No offence, babe, I got what you meant but I don't see the point as to why you would feel guilty."

"I wasn't supposed to fall for you Luke, it wasn't supposed to be like this," There, I let it out.

I could feel tears slowly gathering in my eyes, blurring my vision slowly but surely.

"Ashy, listen to me; no one can control their feelings, okay? None of us expects this to happen and if it happens then it happens. Moreover, when it comes to someone we like or love or whatever. You just fall. And no matter how hard you try to stop it and hold back, you can't lie to yourself, you know."

"But, Michael?"

"What about him? He's with Calum and I'm with you,"

"Lukey, you don't understand..."