Echoes

Part 9

"Shira? Are you okay?" The sound of Asher's voice dragged me back to the present. I realized my eyes were on the verge of watering as I regained my countenance. I shut them tightly to keep tears from falling. I shook my head in self-chastisement. To still be crying over this asshole so many months after that wretched breakup was bad enough, but to do it in front of him would be too pathetic for me to handle. I wouldn't let it happen.

"You're delusional if you think I want to see you," I said after discreetly drying my eyes.

"I know you don't," he admitted. "I'm sorry. I really am. I shouldn't have come. I mean I know I don't deserve to be here. But I just...can I talk to you? Just for a little bit? Just give me five minutes. Please?"

I sighed. I didn't want to spend another second looking at Asher, but Giselle deserved a chance to have a father. As a mother, I had to put her best interest ahead of my own.

"Fine," I relented. "You've got five minutes."

Michele clenched her jaw in obvious anger.

"I need to get more chips anyways," she said, despite having a completely full bag in her hands. She headed for the door, shooting a death glare at Asher as she passed him. He quickly looked away. I sighed again as I found myself left alone with the boy of both my dreams and my nightmares.

"You wanted to talk," I said. "So talk."

He looked at the bundle in my arms.

"Wow, that's our baby, huh?" he said rhetorically.

"I don't know, Asher. Is it?" I asked acerbically. "Word around town is it isn't."

He hung his head for a moment before attempting to look at me again.

"I'm sorry Shira. I really am. I know that doesn't change things, but... I want to make it right."

"Make it right how, Asher?" I demanded. "You've ruined my life. Do you know what my reputation is now? Or how much I've suffered?"

"I know, Shir, I---"

"Don't call me that ever again," I warned.

"Okay, I won't. I'm sorry. Look, I fucked up. I totally utterly fucked up, and I said things I didn't mean," he told me. "But I feel horrible, I've been wracked with guilt and I've missed you so much. I can hardly eat, I can barely sleep."

I pondered his words for a moment. Now that I was thinking of it, he did have bags under his eyes that I'd never seen before, and he looked at least ten pounds lighter. Clearly, he was telling the truth, at least as far as those last two statements went.

"Then why did you do what you did in the first place?" I questioned.

"I was scared, and confused. I know that's not an excuse, okay? I know that. But...I was. I was scared and confused."

"But why then? Why six months into everything?" I asked. "Everything was...you were there for me all that time and then you just turned into a fucking monster. I don't understand it."

"What I said at school was just...you know my parents were up my ass and between that and all the drama we had with your mother...I wasn't ready for all the shit that went down at school."

I nodded. That certainly didn't excuse his behavior, but I could certainly see how it had acted as an extra stressor, and how its unexpected nature would have added to its severity.

"I said something stupid in a panic. And I didn't do anything about it. I wanted to take it back but it spread like wildfire. I figured I would find a way to fix it."