THE WAY WE STAY

Chapter 12

JANE'S P.O.V

"I'm sorry," He broke the kiss to lean his forehead onto mine. "I've gone too far."

I, with limited access to light in this very dark room, tried to scan Riley's face. I could be wrong, but I saw teardrops rolling down his cheeks.

"Are you okay?" Riley said unsure as I left his apology unattended.

"Are you?" I returned the question. "You're crying."

"I'm sorry."

"You did nothing wrong." I cleared my throat. "Though I was caught off guard."

"I didn't mean to be disrespectful."

"And I also said nothing about you being disrespectful." I chuckled because this guy still buried his face down to his chest. "Why are you crying?"

He chose to lean his back against the wall while stared at the sleeping twins. From this distance I could still hear his heavy breath - a sound of desperation.

"She's back." Riley spoke after a minute. "Asking for the girls."

"Natasha...?" I murmured, unsure of whether the name was still allowed to be mentioned in this house.

"She's never a good mother to the twins. I can't let them go."

"You shouldn't, then."

"But she's their biological mother!" Riley yelled at me but soon he realized it. "I- I'm sorry... God, I'm a mess."

I let him catch some breath after reaching his peak emotions. I led our way to the balcony across the twins' room, while Connor and Toby were downstairs having their dinner. I did not know how I could help Riley at this point. But if having a good listener was all he needed, then I would be one.

"Rule number one; please stop saying sorry. We should cut this courtesy thing for good." I smiled. "And second, it's okay to rant on me. Go on."

"I can't- I mean, she's having all the rights to take the girls back." He started to rant.

"And how is that possible?"

"Because I know she would play the 'want to take the girls but the situation doesn't allow her' card, just like the last time."

"I still don't follow." I shook my head.

"Natasha's been leaving us since the twins were still babies, just when they needed their Mom the most. But it obviously remains a secret, except for family and relatives. I just don't like to make a scene about it." Riley sniffed and shook his head. "Even our divorce made its way to the public only years later when I accidentally spilled the tea in an interview."

I nodded softly, reminiscing how the news was aired on every entertainment channel and shook the whole country just over a year ago. Nobody had any idea that they actually have gone separated ways for a while by then.

"When we went through the divorce process, I also decided to take over the custody. It prolonged the suffering days, but I don't mind as long as I can have the girls with me."

"And you won," I stared at him. "Right?"

He sighed deeply as a sign of bad news. "They let me have them because Natasha had to move to Chicago for work. And since it's a single assignment, she's not allowed by the company to bring family members, and wouldn't have the time to take care of them anyway. While in here, I have my parents ready to help me even when I'm on tour."

My heart started to pound faster. "So now she's back-"

"And claiming," Riley nodded. "She has all the rights, that's why I'm so scared. It's been my nightmare ever since."

I stared far off the distance. I guess Riley did, too. For some minutes we stayed in this deafening silence. Their nervous gestures towards Natasha this afternoon was clearly reasonable.

"God knows she's never a good mother." Riley swept his tears. "Not when she left us for him."

"H-him?" I stuttered to receive the new fact. "And the assignment...?"

"Huh."

Riley chuckled. His boiled temper stopped him from resuming the story, and I stroked his back to calm him. It was unclear to say that I understood the whole story, but I could not push him for anything either. I could only help this much, to just be present no matter how long Riley would need it to feel better. To ask questions about the kiss would also sound ridiculous. Because the reason behind it was twice as shocking already.

"I should've not dragged you into this." Riley softly grabbed my hand. "I feel like always putting you in difficult situation, from letting you take care of Cassandra and Calista all by yourself, and now this."

"I never said I mind it." I kept stroking his back. "I'll help with anything, the best I can."

He kissed the top of my hand as an act of gratitude. We stayed a little longer at the balcony, until Toby called us for a very late dinner. After all, I also needed to go home.

"Jane," Riley pulled the car in front of my house when he drove me. "Please promise me you won't hate me."

"Why would I hate you anyway?"

"For being such a pain."

"Aren't we all?" I rolled my eyes to ease the tense. "I don't hate you. I never will. But you gotta promise me something too."

"Hmm?"

I squeezed his hand. "Promise me you'll do the best you can to keep the girls around."

"Jane, I-"

"Because I can't lose them too."

Riley quickly pulled me into his hug and cried again. This side of him, I would never expect myself to witness it. I used to know him as a fan who enjoyed his strong presence on stage with the band. But tonight he shared one of his darkest secrets and trusted me enough to let me in.

***

This morning I woke up with layers of complicated feelings from last night. My mind was scattered to places, but I went to school and tried to do my best in class as usual. Assuming we shared the same situation, Riley checked on me if I was feeling well and whether he could pick me up again after school. Therefore, this afternoon I stayed in the waiting room for him while did my weekly report.

"Jane?" A silhouette approached me.

"Uh... Connor?" I collected my papers and stood.

"Yeah, sorry he didn't get the chance to text you about me taking over the duty. The twins are on their protective mode over Daddy since this morning, so-"

"Of course." I smiled. "And is Cassandra feeling better?"

"They're fighting over sitting on Riley's lap when I left, so I guess... she is?"

"Hahaha. That's good news, then." I nodded. "May I treat us some coffee? Okay let's go. I don't take no for an answer."

"This girl, really." Connor rolled his eyes playfully.

He drove us to the nearest shop where we ordered coffees for four. Connor kept briefing me about the current situation in the house. He also let me know that the grandparents asked to install some CCTVs to monitor the girls - and especially for Riley just in case the middle brother was in need of their immediate assistance.

"So..." Connor started to drive again. "I'd like to apologize for yesterday. You might feel uncomfortable."

"Stop it." I shook my head. "But uhm, can I ask questions?"

"You're in it now." He nodded.

"Riley told me almost everything last night-" I got cut in the throat. "Natasha-"

"The day we wish to never come." Connor raised an eyebrow. "How much did he share with you?"

"About her winning the custody, and..."

Connor already breathed heavily over the built tense. I cursed myself internally for causing another uncomfortable afternoon, as if we had not have it enough yesterday. I wish I could take it back and remain silent instead.