There was a lot of crying, a lot of scratching at his dark mark and a lot of acceptance, it was painful.
He was back to shutting the world out, and if he didn't he pretended he was ok during classes and ran to his dorm, leaving everyone befuddled.
Library visits were now more frequent, sometimes he'd spot Granger a few times, she'd smile at him and continue to look for books, he stopped himself from asking her about Harry.
One day, when he was at the library, he spotted Harry, he ignored him and went back to his book, when soon he realized, he had been reading the same sentence over and over again.
There was still an immense amount of healing to be done, Christmas break was just around the corner but he'd wrote to his mother asking if it was ok for him to stay at Hogwarts this time.
She was understanding and the stress of that was over, fortunately, because he expected her to force him to come home.
He avoided eye contact, focused on his book.
The book was incredibly boring, it was about the 1600s, he could care less about what happened so many years ago.
He wanted to call out to him, walk over to him and tell him how much he was hurting, but he couldn't, he had to stay away.
But they were strangers, so he picked up his book and left, he could feel Harry's stare and it burned, but he left.
December 1st
I miss you, I wish I could forgive you for putting me through this hell, well I can, I will soon, but I saw you in the library and it took everything in my being to not run to you. Everything in my room reminds me of you even in you haven't even been in here. I wish this was a bad dream, I've gotten close to cutting my hair so I don't look like myself, I don't know how long until I give in and do it. I can't sleep, I wish I could go back to not remembering, but I'm doing this for you, Harry, you're making it hard to continue yet you're what keeps me going, I drift in and out of people's life but I'm trying to stay...
Wait for me, please? I need you
He set down the quill, spilling his feelings on paper was easier than he thought, but it was still scary, someone could read it.
He'd gone to the hospital wing, not for his fainting, for a migraine, he hated migraines, they felt like your head was filled with razors and somebody was shaking you.
Madam Pomfrey asked if anything else was bothering him, he almost spilled, but something stopped him, hospitalization wasn't what he needed so he told her no.
For hours he'd sit in the bathroom with scissors in his hands, wanting to cut his hair, he'd get close to it too, but a venomous voice in his head would tell him not to,
He won't love you if you cut your hair
Days felt like years, and finally, Christmas break, he'd be able to catch up on schoolwork, maybe he could take a break from all this working, calm down a little.
That's what he wanted, but he didn't get his hopes up, nothing ever went how he wanted.
•
"Harry!" Seamus called, catching up to him. Harry waited for him, they were on their way to the Gryffindor common room, but it was a long walk.
"Have you seen Malfoy? He's in rough shape, I mean, sure he's a bully but even worried, he looks exhausted, have you noticed?" Seamus asked, Harry skidded to a stop.
He hadn't even noticed that Draco was a mess he'd been too busy with his life, that sounded cruel.
"This is my fault," Harry said quietly, walking again, Seamus looked at him confused, well it had been, he'd probably pushed Draco too far.
"How? I mean, I know you two have been sneaking around to snog, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one to notice by the way," Seamus reassured when he saw Harry's cheeks flush red like cherries.
"You can love whoever mate, if you can forgive him I can, but how would this be your fault?" Seamus was a good friend, Harry could see in that moment, and he was glad to have him as a friend.
"I told him to work on himself, before we could be together, well no, he said that, I said we should stay strangers," Harry said, they were about 3 minutes away from the dorms now.
"He's probably just working on himself, it looks like he's been keeping a lot in Harry, just...give him time and space alright?"
Well, that'd be difficult to give space now that he knew, but he'd try and watch from afar
YOU ARE READING
Black Ink | Drarry
Фанфик" I miss your touch...Then come hold me" Draco's newly found faints make him feeling sick with fevers, nausea and vulnerability. his least favorite things. Harry, finds out and is worried sick, he doesn't understand why but it changes his attitude...
