Don't Leave | Luna Lovegood

Letters From Sirius Black

Not long after the incident, as Luna and I were calling it, with Harry, I received a letter from an unknown owl. I was in the owlery with Luna, who was sending a letter home, when it arrived. Just after I took the envelope from the owl, it bit me, causing my finger to bleed. Luna ran over to me, but she knew there was nothing she could do so she just pushed my hair behind my ears. Suddenly, I remembered how she had done that on the Hogwarts express at the beginning of the year and my breath caught in my throat. She looked at me, pure kindness in her eyes and tears threatened to come at the realisation that I would never be good enough for this perfect girl.

When we got back to our dorm, we sat on my bed and I carefully opened my letter to reveal a page of parchment with handwriting I had never seen before. I had no clue who this was possibly be, but I read it aloud to Luna.

My Dearest Darling Ivy,

what a beautiful name, Ivy. Your mother named you that because we always met up at a bench near an Ivy bush. She was a wonderful woman, your mother, and a much better person than I will ever be. I'm so sorry, Ivy, that I haven't been there for you, that I wasn't able to watch you grow up. But even though I haven't directly contacted you, I have watched you from afar.

Oh, god. Your mother would be so proud of you if she could have lived to see the woman you have become today. For you are so strong, and beautiful, and smart. And, of course you're a Ravenclaw! Your mother would truly have been so happy that her daughter is also a Ravenclaw.

But Ivy, I need you to understand one thing. I love you. I love you and I am so terribly sorry for any trouble that my horrendous reputation has ever caused you, and I wish I could have been there to comfort you in your hard times, but I wasn't. And I hate myself for that.

But I hope that you are okay, and that you are happy even in the terrible life my reputation has placed you in.

Your Loving Father,
Sirius Black.

I felt a lump rising in my throat and tears were brimming at the bottom of my eyelids. I had never met my dad in my life and then he sent me this? What did he expect, for me to just forgive him in an instant? Because that so wasn't happening. I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks and I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch someone, to break something, to tear apart the covers of this stupid bed. I wanted to run away from here, run away from life. But instead I just lay my head on Luna's lap and let my tears drop onto her grey school skirt. She ran her fingers through my black hair and whispered that it was all going to be ok, and that I didn't need to worry about anything so long as she didn't leave my side.

"Don't leave then" I whispered back and she gave me a small smile.

"but you really should write back, Ive" she murmured and I obliged, finding a spare piece of parchment and a quill. My hands were shaking but I knew this had to be done.

Dear Father,

Hello, I guess. I'm going to be honest with you, I'm not entirely sure what to say to you. I mean, what do you say to a person who just a few months ago you thought was a mass murderer, and that you resented and hated for ruining your life just because you were associated to said person, and then this person writes you a letter as if everything is absolutely fine and normal and you don't know how to react?

Yeah, that's the position I'm currently in. And the thing is, I've hated you for so long that I don't know if I'm capable of forgiving you and seeing you as a father worthy of my love.

And you have never been there for me, NEVER. You haven't been there for a single birthday, or Halloween, or Bonfire Night, or Christmas. You haven't been there to congratulate me when I have won any of my prizes, and you haven't been there to tell me that it's just a dream when I had a horrible nightmare, or to comfort me when I was sad. You haven't been with me at my highest or my lowest points, or even my mediocre points. You have quite literally never been there for me. And I don't know if I can trust you or not but I'm going to try. I'm going to try to let you in, and to let you love me, and I really hope that this is the right decision to make.

your hopeful daughter,
Ivy.

I looked up at Luna, who had been reading as I wrote she nodded her head, and I folded it up, placed in an envelope and walked towards the Gryffindor common room to find Harry. Although I hadn't spoken to him since the incident, I knew he would know where my father was so I could send him the letter. Therefore, it was necessary to speak to Harry.

I waited outside the fat lady until Harry walked out of it. His green eyes glanced at me for a second, before he stalked off it the other direction. I followed him through the school, and after a while he had had enough.

"what do you want?" he grumbled. he was clearly in a bad mood.

"I need you to send this letter to my father"