This World Is Wide Enough

Shadows

Weeks passed and Aaron always found himself running into Alexander, not even by coincidence, he was convinced to say. They would hang out often, like this one time when both of them were reaching for the same book entitled 'The American Revolution' for the history exam. Barnes wasn't in the mood to dwell for a moment what it'd be like to fight the Hamilton over a book. He just lent it to him, and Alex beamed so brightly he would drag the other to the desks in the library and talk endlessly about some King that likes to tax people. Aaron would occasionally chime in and actually talk to Alexander about his own views...and he seemed to actually respect him for it. Of course there were days while they would argue endlessly ("No, Alexander, Jefferson is right about the system being-" "jeFFERSHIT IS ALWAYS WRONG, STOP BEING ARROGANT!" "I'm sorry--who's arrogant now?") but there were the greatest days when Alex and Aaron would walk together, alone, just the two of them, enjoying the smell of spring. The feeling of fuzziness, just being happy because he could trust Alex, and Alex had always trusted him. Although, there is a tiny problem--

the nightmares were more occurrent. 

and Aaron finally had the courage to actually research about a 'Hamilton'. He's tired of waiting for an answer to all of this...this paradoxical loop. He learned this was the first treasury secretary of the United States and had like eight children, was from Nevis--WAIT...NEVIS? Wasn't that the place Alex talked about? No...I'm just imagining things. He also learned he was shot by an-

oh.

Oh no.

Aaron Burr.

Aaron inhaled sharply before continuing to read about the man with his same name. Aaron Burr was a feminist, to be honest so was this Aaron, he was against slavery, married to a Theodosia Pervost, and had a daughter with the same name. He was abused by his uncle...

and is known best for the murder of Alexander Hamilton.

Aaron shut his laptop and pushed his back against the wall, breathing heavily. This could NOT be real, none of it even should be. Quietly, he let the walls around him collapse, sobbing heavily into his arms. If only these bloody flashes could just go away, if only he didn't have to live with the regret of not knowing or killing someone. Maybe it would be better if he killed himself? Maybe-

"Aaron?" Aaron's felt his head jerk up as he wiped away his tears, trying his best not to look like he was crying even though it was a hard fail. Alexander walked towards him and rested his hand on his shoulder, suddenly felt another hand--no both--wrap around a neck and he could see frustrated and angry tears in the other's' eyes, as he saw the red fury so clearly.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!" It was almost demonic, the way his tears turned black as they slid off of his face, Aaron couldn't breathe. His voice turning into glitches and cracks-

Aaron woke up. 

Alexander was asleep, bundled up in God knows how many blankets, softly purring as he buried his face in his pillow. Still terrified, he began to hyperventilate, Barnes had fallen asleep against the wall, the laptop shut. He was draped in a blanket...and got the scent wasn't his.

It was Alex.

At this point he couldn't even comprehend his emotions, it was too much to understand. Too much too much too much!! He scrambled for his phone--5 AM. Oh God...life was such a paradox. He reached for his usual talk less smile more hoodie and and tried to breathe deeply.

"Aaron?" Aaron let out a small yelp as he turned around to see Alex sitting up in his bed. He was rubbing his eyes, they looked...bloodshot. A leap of guilt flooding over him for waking him up, he knew Alex never sleeps. He looked at his roommate, who was now sitting up and staring at the ground.

"Alexander...? Are you okay...?" He tried to mask the fear in his voice, and Alexander only responded with a nod, a short pause later, he spoke. "Just a nightmare." The voice was so gentle and quiet, it was frightening. Hesitantly, he had no idea why, but he sat next to the Hamilton and rubbed his hand on his shoulder consolingly.

"Wanna talk about it?" He muttered, the silence seeming to sting the both of them.

"I just--I don't want you to--I dunno--I just...you...I don't want you to feel--" Aaron reached for a blanket and smiled comfortingly as he wrapped it around Alex's half sleeved black shirt, his thin frame. He kept his hands on his shoulders and gestured him to look at him, one hand underneath the others chin. He had never felt this panicked before, but so calm at the same time.

"I promise I won't judge you, after all, you really are my only friend." He said honestly, his hand slipping down to his shoulder. Hamilton smiled to himself, his hand now on top of Aarons.

"okay..." He paused, inhaling while rubbing his eyes. Aaron analyzed his figure, shivering and upset, fearful. "I saw...you were trying to...kill...me..."

It was at this very moment, Aaron knew this was the Alexander Hamilton he had killed.

It stings more than it should. 

Aaron's hand slipped off of his shoulder, landing in his lap as he forced himself to read his gaze. What shocked him even more, was that Alex was on the verge of tears. His vision blurred...

This is just another coincidence...right? 

"I don't want it to be real, Aaron." He whispered, a slight tone in his voice as he attempted to mask the crack. The taller looked at him, panic evident in his eyes, he wanted nothing more than to run out of the room and start sobbing. But he could be jumping to conclusions...and he could also be assuming the worst out of everything like he usually does. No matter how stubborn and silent Aaron may be--he would never leave a friend behind. So, he rested both of his hands on the Hamilton's shoulder again, his hand sliding to his face as he stroked the smooth, soft skin of his cheek and tilting it up. 

"It's not real. It's not...it's just a nightmare. I can't...I would never..."

"I know you wouldn't, and it's...it's just a nightmare...like you said. I mean I've had a lot of other weird dreams right? This is...normal..." He could tell Alexander was having trouble convincing himself, he knew he was doubting Aaron. Aaron was doubting himself as well, but he didn't want to lose Alex. He didn't want to lose the one person that might actually understand him. 

He didn't want to be in the shadows.