Fight or Flight

Dark Thoughts and Suspicions

Failure. That word seems to describe most of my life and my training as a jedi. I'm one of the best yet never good enough. Maybe Brittany was right. Maybe I am a loser. I don't want to believe it but find myself believing it all the more. As I head towards my room, I consider my options. Either tell the Jedi Council about the Sith Lord and lose my brother I hadn't known I had or save my brother and ruin the Jedi forever. Torn between my sibling and my passion, I am unable to decide. I arrive at my room and thank goodness, it is empty! I lay down, but keep my sabers at my side, considering what I know. Immediately, I am immersed in a dream.

"Execute Order 66." The old man from earlier speaks as a hologram to what appear to be soldiers. Except he is now old, wrinkled, and even more terrifying. I realize now he was the one who trained the Sith apprentice, Darth Vader. Moments later I witness Aalya Secura being blasted with laser shots, Luminara Unduli shot as well on Kashyyk, Ki-Adi-Mundi dying while trying to fight the droids, and so many others I know.

"No, no please. Please, they can't die. Why? No!." My screams fall on deaf ears. Haunting, sinister laughter fills my ears.

"See, young Shano. You can only see the future, but you can't change it. Failure!"

"NO!" Gasping, I sit up, breathing hard. I look around to see no one there. "Failure." Sighing, I throw my head back onto my pillow and stare at the ceiling. I turn my head to see that only five minutes has passed. Great. Just great. Only a few hours until my first test and I get a vision with Mr. Creepy Sith Lord! I really must have a problem. Well, now I know I won't be able to sleep, so I walk out to the hallway and down to the meditation chamber. Sitting on one of the chairs, I close my eyes, focusing on a pinprick of light. For a moment, everything is peaceful. I can hear nothing, see nothing, feel nothing. But it is short lived, for almost immediately, I am shaken out of my state by a bad feeling. I whip out my sabers and turn around quickly, almost hitting whoever or whatever it is standing in the doorway.

"Hey, watch it. I was coming in here peacefully. I wasn't going to hurt you!" Jalena's irritated voice rings through the air. "Put your sabers away, would you?"

"Oh, sorry Jalena. Thought you were someone else." The bad feeling is still strong. Something's off. She isn't in her right mind. But why?

"Sorry to disappoint you." her flippant remark really ticks me off. I am about to respond when Master Ti interrupts our conversation. She bows to me and I respond in like.

"Padawan Shano, the council wishes for you to join them. Jalena, I want to see you in the training room in five minutes. There's some rough edges we need to smooth out. If you'll excuse us..." She waves Jalena off and comes to join me. "Something is bothering you?"

"Yeah. I'm nervous about the whole "trials of knighthood" thing. What if I fail?"

"Perhaps facing your failure is one of the tests. You are one of the top padawans, the talk of the council. Your fear of failure may be what causes your failure." I nod, realizing that for most of my life, that is exactly why I had failed. "But that isn't all that is on your mind."

"No. But I really shouldn't leave the council waiting."

"Indeed. If only my padawan cared so much for others as you do." Shaak Ti smiles and exits the room. If I had cared more for others, Jonah would be alive right now. No, Kiria, don't think about him. He's gone, and there's nothing you can do. With this thought in mind, I get up and walk out of the meditation chamber. On my way to the Jedi Council, I keep on the alert for the Sith Lord. Something deep inside tells me that he's not going to be far behind my each and every step. Or that he wouldn't hesitate to kill me and get rid of my influence forever.

He wouldn't hesitate, Shano. I trained him well. Now if only he hadn't killed me. But you are stronger than he is. Together, you and I can become a dyad in The Force, ruling over everything together. There would finally be balance in The Force. Just take my hand, and we will rid ourselves of Darth Sidious. I will bring back Jonah. A new voice speaks into my thoughts. Ugh. I've got to close up my mind. Whoever this guy was, he clearly wasn't after anything good. He trained a Sith Lord, one I know to be the worst. Darth Sidious had killed his own master after the latter had discovered immortality and how to create life. His master, this voice, could bring back Jonah. Yet, the temptation to agree weighs heavily on me as I make the long trek down the now empty hallways of the Jedi temple. Arriving at the door, I knock twice and wait.

"Enter, Padawan Shano. We have long awaited this day." Mace Windu's voice echoes from inside. Swallowing my fear, I enter the room where this whole crazy experience started. "Welcome."

"Thank you, Masters." I feel as if I'm on display, standing in the middle of the room with Jedi masters circling around me. "It was to my understanding that the trials of knighthood would be commencing?"

"Yes, that's why we called you here. We feel that it is high time you took the tests."

"Of course. But..."

"But what, Padawan Shano?"

"What if I fail?"

"Worrying about that won't help you. Trust The Force. Now, to begin the trials." With those words, the floor underneath me lowers and I find myself in an entirely different room. Darkness envelops me and I blink as I try to adjust to the light. "Let the Trial of Skills begin."