YELLO | SEVENTEEN's 14th member

CALL A MEETING

"H- Hyung." I tugged on Seungcheol's sleeve, as he looked up from his phone to see me. I could feel my heart beat against my chest, and it was obvious that I was nervous.

"Why? Are you okay? Is something wrong?" His curious gaze immediately morphed into a worried look, as he sits up properly to face me.

I quickly shake my head, as I licked my lips in anxiousness.

"Can we have a meeting?" I fiddled with my fingers as he stares at me for a few seconds before speaking up.

"Meeting...? For what?" Seungcheol cleared his throat, as he reached out for my hand.

"I want to tell the members something." I gulped the lump forming in my throat, as I was somehow eased by his warm touch. He slowly nodded, quite hesitant, but otherwise agreed.

I blinked a few times, wondering why he wasn't asking me about what it was. Then again, I should save it for the meeting.

"Do the staff need to be involved?" I immediately shook my head, categorizing this as a personal matter rather than a business matter.

"Not particularly."

"You can always tell us anything, okay?" I could feel him squeeze my hand in affirmation as I nodded, letting out a small smile. It made me feel comforted to say the least.

-

Seeing all the members seated in their seats made my heart beat out of my chest. I didn't know why but it was making me feel uncomfortable, the sight of all of them having their attention on me.

I balled my hands into fists, digging my fingernails into my skin. I wanted to speak, but my throat just goes dry. It felt like I'm closed in, even when I'm not. It's making it hard for me to breathe.

"Yonhae. Yonhae– Yonhae!"

I could feel my soul leave my body as I felt a hand shaking my thigh. I felt cold sweat dribble down my forehead as I was brought back to reality. Seeing all the members' worried looks made me feel bad.

"Are you okay?" Seungcheol asked me, as he was the nearest to me. I looked at him, feeling my vision suddenly darkening.

"I- I want to speak but I can't." I swallowed the forming lump in my throat as I look into Seungcheol's eyes, as I feel so hopeless.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." I choked out, as I feel Joshua grasp my hands. "There's nothing wrong with you, Yonhae. You're fine with the way you are."

The other members seemingly understood the situation I was in, but I wasn't even sure of it myself. It made me feel scared.

"But there is. There was something I wanted to say, all this week it was on my mind, and just when it was time that I tell you– it- it disappears. My mind goes blank."

"It's so frustrating." I could feel tears surface in my eyes, as I felt pain in my nose. "I don't want to be like this." I bite my bottom lip, as I deepen my fingernails on my skin.

"Y-Yonhae, calm down. You're hurting yourself." Mingyu holds my hand, trying his best to gently stop me from hurting myself more. He was successful with it, as he managed to stop my hand from acting on its own.

"Blood. His hand's bleeding!" Mingyu's eyes widen at the sight of blood, as he immediately covers it with a clean cloth.

"Yonhae..." Seungcheol looks at me with a frown, upset that he hadn't done a good job in making sure that I was doing well mentally.

"I'm sorry, everyone." The tears I was keeping away earlier all poured down from my eyes. Panick rises in me as I realized that I was crying. Hastily wiping them off, I refused to believe that I was crying.

"I shouldn't... I can't cry. I'm not supposed to cry..." I mutter underneath my breathe, as I constantly wipe the tears away. I feel a hand on my wrist, stopping me from wiping my tears.

"Hyung, it's okay to cry." Chan placed my hand back on my lap, as tears pour out from eyes. "Why am I crying?" I sob, feeling pain in my chest.

"Because you're human, Yonhae. It's normal to cry. You have feelings." I look up from the floor, to see everyone's concerned looks. I pursed my lips as I just let the tears fall down from my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I broke down, hiding my face in my hands, as they all denied my apology. "No, you shouldn't be sorry for being human. It's fine, hyung. You're doing so well."

"Do you still want to say what you want to say? We'll give you time to calm down."

I shake my head, realizing that I had partly showed them what I wanted to say. It was how I was feeling trapped recently, feeling like I was always doing something wrong when I haven't.

"You can still talk to us."

"Can I?"

"Of course you can."

"Thank you." I feel a genuine smile on my face, as the warmth that I had felt before had gotten back. I wasn't scared anymore. I felt the comfort that I was longing for.

That's when I realized that the reason why I felt so lost was because of the lack of affection that I felt. They were the solution to my problem that they caused.

"You'll always be our Yello, okay? Keep that in mind."