Shards of Your Reflection - Tsukishima x Reader (Angst)

11. Okay

It was cold, the bitter chills running through your body despite your huddled figure shaking underneath the covers for warmth. Your body was numb, anxious, and guilt-ridden.

Tomorrow, Tsukishima would return, and it scared you to let him see you now. But, still, the sharp pang of guilt rang throughout your heart.

Tomorrow. I will apologize tomorrow: for being selfish for forcing him to worry, regret, and pity.

Maybe there was small hope, a glimpse of the faint light beyond the vast, empty grey.

You had one chance.

To change.

It's okay.

You felt better, suddenly, a vague sense of relief washing your body. It was the first time since a few past months ago that you were secure. So you lay there, as the warmth of reassurance enveloped your body, and you were lulled to sleep.

Time Skip: Morning, Next Day:

Breakfast.

Your stomach coiled at that thought. You weren't ready yet.

It's okay. Just eat.

You forced yourself to swallow the cereal, telling yourself it was good for you, but the pushed away voices were inevitable. Because in all truth, you knew you wanted to hide, to follow the voices, to immerse in the hollowness, to give up, but you still persisted for Tsukishima. Inside, you and the voices knew it wasn't okay.

After taking care of your hygiene, you stood in front of the mirror. You were sickly: sunken eyes, uncannily pale skin, disheveled hair, barren rib cages reflected. You quickly turned away.

No...

It was supposed to work.

You were scared, as your breathing rapidly and unevenly increased.

No, it's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's OKAY.

It's OKAY.

It's OKAY.

It's OKAY.

It's OKAY.

It's OKAY.

IT'S OKAY.

"Stop it! Stop! This isn't me. Go away!" you shrieked.

Promises formed to shatter.

"I don't want to be like this. This isn't real."

Covering the lies with makeup.

"It's okay okay okay."

No.

It's not okay.