Invisible String || H.S

Chapter 11

My eyes fly open and my arms stay by my side, not sure about what to do with my body. My mind immediately thinks of the kiss last night, and how Harry's lips felt against mine. Soft... caring...needy. 

Deep down I wanted this kiss to feel the same way, I really did. But there were no butterflies swarming my stomach, my skin wasn't on fire where he was touching me, there was... nothing. And it almost felt like a rock had been thrown into the bottom of my stomach. 

I was supposed to want this, this was Ezra, the guy I've had a crush on since first semester of junior year when he walked into my British Literature II class and started talking to me about one of my favorite Oscar Wilde plays. This is who I'm supposed to wan't. Not someone across the country.

I immediately regretted it when I started kissing him back. I closed my eyes and moved my hand up into his hair, slowly lacing my fingers through his light brown strands. I move my body closer, bringing my other hand up and wrapping it around his neck. 

I know why I'm doing this, it's to distract me from the fact that he hasn't texted yet. To distract me from thinking about the plane currently flying in the sky taking him to the other side of the country. To distract me from that antagonizingly handsome Instagram story that proved that he had been on his phone but still had not texted me. 

But this isn't a distraction because I can feel the difference in everything that Ezra does. His kiss is messy, his hands keep moving on my body as if there are strings pulling them around and around. 

But I still kiss him back. 

Why am I doing this? You're just going to regret it tomorrow and then everything's going to get complicated and messy. 

 I can't stop the thoughts flooding my brain and I pull away from Ezra. When I open my eyes I'm met with hazel, not green. I open my mouth to try and say something but nothing comes out. 

"I'm sorry, I've just been wanting to do that for so long and I don't know why I chose tonight to do it, I was actually going to do it at Rumors but then I got sick and then I mustered up the courage to do it when you came over the next day but then right when I was going to, you left and so then I just felt like I had to do it and now I'm rambling and don't know where I'm going with this." Ezra says, his chest moving faster and faster with every word that kept spewing out of his mouth. 

"Ezra I, I don't really know what to say. If I'm being honest I just have so many thoughts swarming my head and I don't know how to get them straight or what to think or do anymore  and I just -  I just ...  I don't know what to say." I reply softly, feeling myself get more and more anxious as I start to pick at my fingernails. 

"I've been in love with you ever since the day I walked into British Literature junior year and recited a joke from The Importance of Being Earnest and you were the only one that laughed -"

- "Ezra"

"No let me finish Evelyn. We would be so good together. I waited and I waited because I never thought that I could be deserving of you but when you came and dropped off stuff for me after I got sick, a small hope grew in me and ever since it's just continued to blossom and I cannot go on like this any longer. I can't hold in my feelings for you any longer because soon it's going to be winter break, and then it'll be our final semester, and then graduation, and then you'll be out of my life and I can't ... I can't have that, I can't lose you - "

I look down and realize that Ezra is now holding both of my hands. My eyebrows knit together and it feels like I just jumped into a pond in the middle of winter. I still don't know what to say. 

"We would be so good together Evie. You know that, I know that. Hell, all of our friends know that. Please I'm begging you to just give me a chance, give us a chance." 

I can feel the bottom of my eyes start to sting and I know that tears will soon be slipping out of them. I wan't to say yes to him but why can't I say yes to him. 

Harry. That's why.

"Can I please think about this... about us. This is a lot to process." I say softly, immediately biting my tongue after to stop the tears from coming out.  

"Yes, of course, take as much time as you need." Ezra responds, dropping my hands. 

Silence fills the room for what feels like forever but was probably only a minute. 

"I think I'm gonna go then, it's getting late and I know you have a test in the morning." He adds shortly after. 

Ezra moves off the bed and quickly packs his belongings back into his backpack. I walk him to the front door, noticing that the kitchen table is now empty. I give out a small sigh of relief, thankful that Isabella is either in her room or with Chris so that I won't have to explain what just happened.

We say a quick goodbye and Ezra gives me a kiss on the cheek before shutting the door behind himself. I walk back to my room in a daze, my mind not having fully processed the events and words that were just said and done. 

I tap my phone from where it's laying on the end of my bed. The screen illuminates my face and I see that it is nearly midnight. 

Still no text. 

I put my phone on do not disturb, sending a quick goodnight texts to my parents before I plug it into the charger on my night stand. I quickly get ready for bed, wanting to just fall asleep so that I wouldn't have to think about what just happened. 

As soon as I finish brushing my teeth I quickly crawl under my covers and turn off the fairy lights currently illuminating the room. I close my eyes but am hit with thoughts of Ezra. How his lips felt rushed and ... impatient. 

I toss and turn but eventually sleep overcomes me and I welcome it with open arms. I don't wake again until my alarm goes off at nine the next morning. 

I lazily throw my arm over to the general direction of my phone, hoping my hand hits the snooze button. Once the sound of the alarm ceases, I groggily rub my eyes trying to get the sleep from them. 

Sitting up, I stretch before I reach over for my phone. My eyes take a second to adjust when I unlock my phone but then I see my messages notification and how it now has a one over it. I click it. 

Hi, it's Harry. I don't know if you saved my number or not but in case you did't thats okay, I just wanted to let you know so you didn't think some random person was texting you at four in the morning your time ...  anyways I just wanted to let you know that I am home (safe) and that I was going to text you earlier but I remembered that you had a test so I figured you'd be busy studying and I would be a distraction so I'm texting you so that when you wake up (and I hope this doesn't wake you up ... if it does you need to learn how  to use your do not disturb button) you will see this text. Good luck on your test, let me know how it goes when you're done if you have time. Wow this text ended up being really long. 

P.s. I did make the bed before I left, you can even ask Niall. 

 I read through the text twice before I set my phone down, I don't bite my tongue when I feel the string of tears start to emerge. 

HELLO, HI, HOLA ... I am so so sorry that this update took me so freaking long to put out but for some reason all my professors decided to make us write papers for finals and I was also applying for graduate school so that left zero time for this book sadly but now I'm on break so I'm gonna be writing a LOT.  but thank YOU for being so patient. 

Anyways, thank you so much for reading and as always, let me know what you think in the comments and don't forget to vote! X. Echo