From The WICKED Start | A Maze Runner Story (English Version)

16. A very special night

Lost in thought I reached our room and opened the door. Newt was actually not there and there was nobody in the bathroom.
He really went back into the shafts.
I took fresh clothes and went into the shower, going over my plan once more.
Tomorrow I would talk to Rachel and I wouldn't tell Thomas anything until we had gathered enough information so he couldn't talk me out of it. And right after Newt was picked up, I would sneak into Janson's office with Minho and look for clues.
It hurt to think about Newt that way. But I knew that what we were about to do was important and above all right. Besides, it wouldn't take long and I too would be taken into the memory chamber and forget everything - provided Teresa kept her promise. And until then I just had to save these children.
While I was brushing my hair and then braiding it again, I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered who I really was, that I was so determined to risk everything to save a few children.
But what was 'everything'? With Newt gone, there would be nothing left for me to risk anyway, except maybe my own life. And to be honest, I wasn't too worried about that.
I left the bathroom and found that Newt was still gone, even though I had really taken my time in the shower.
Lost in thought, I took the card out of the air shaft and rolled it out on the floor. I looked for the offices and soon found them, quite far from our rooms, but connected to the system that our room was connected to. Now all that was left to do was find out what level Janson's office was on and then when he would be out of the house in a week's time.
After hiding the map again, I lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. How long has Newt been gone? Would he come back soon?
I felt how I longed for his warmth and how I missed him. How would it be a week from now?
At some point I looked at the clock, because I slowly had the feeling that Newt had been gone for too long. Yes, he missed his sister and certainly wanted to be with her, but I started to worry anyway. I sat up and decided to look after him. Although I was still not sure if I would find the right way, I just had to look for him and see if everything was okay.
So I opened the flap, climbed in and closed it again behind me. I concentrated so hard that my head hurt, but actually I found his sister's bedroom. But the place where we had sat together was empty and I sat down resignedly and peered through the slits. Everything was asleep down there and I could see Lizzy breathing quietly with her back to me.
Where was Newt?
I made my way back, wondering if it was possible that he had taken a different route and we might have missed each other.
But as I turned a corner I stopped, because I had discovered something. The ladder shaft to the roof.
Could it be that Newt was up there?
I just had to look and climbed up the ladder. And indeed - just before I reached the top I could smell the fresh air and when I looked up I could see the stars. So the flap was open. Someone was up there.
Carefully I climbed up the last rungs and peeked out. Newt sat with his back to me at the edge of the roof and looked into the distance.
The night was bright, it had to be full moon soon, so I could see him clearly. As I quietly stepped out of the shaft, I looked around first and could see the maze that stretched to my right. Far away I could see the glade, for many lights must have been burning there.
I turned my gaze back to Newt and slowly walked over to him. He must have already noticed me, or he had expected that I would look for him, for he did not look up when I sat down beside him quietly and let my eyes wander over the scorch as well.
Again I could see cranks running through the sand, staggering or just standing around. And this time I could even hear them, because some were near us. They were making strange noises that frightened me quite a bit. I wondered to what extent there was still humanity in them and whether we would be able to help them sometime. Did they even want to be helped? Did they know that they were sick? Or did they completely lose this consciousness?
I knew that I could not get infected by the flare and yet everything contracted inside me when I imagined how it must feel.
I looked over at Newt and a cold shiver ran down my spine.
He could get infected. He is not immune.
That should never happen. In no case.
He deserved to live until he was old and had a long and happy life behind him.
At that moment I wanted nothing more than that. And I knew that it was out of my hands, that there was nothing I could do to stop anything from happening to him. This thought hurt so much that my heart contracted in my chest.
I tried to wipe the thoughts away and think of the here and now instead.
"How long have you been here?" I asked, looking further into the distance.
Newt did not move his head either. "An hour or so? I don't know. Maybe two. Time goes by so fast while thinking."
"Thinking?"
"Yes, I am." He sounded depressed.
"About what?"
"About me. About my past and what I'll be facing next week. And about you."
Now I looked at him. "About me?"
"Yes, about you." He took a long pause with that. "I think about what will happen when I'm not here anymore. When you sit in that lab and watch me arrive at the maze, totally confused. I think about how it would feel the other way around for me if I had to watch you. And I'm sure it would break me."
I wanted to tell him that it wouldn't be for long, tell him about my plan with Teresa and tell him that we would meet again. I wanted to explain to him what exactly I had written in the message to Gally and that these were not just empty promises.
But he beat me to it.
"You have to promise me that you will take care of yourself. And that you will stay here as long as you can. You should not try to get into the maze because of me. You must never put yourself in danger. Can you promise me that?"
Now he looked into my eyes and I could see tears in his, which made me hold my breath again immediately. He was so beautiful. And he was so... broken. So much had happened to him and he had seen so much, things I could not even imagine. And now he sat here knowing that in a week he would be taken to the maze and lose all his memories.
And yet he looked me straight in the eyes and all he wanted was for me to be safe.
I just couldn't help but nod. I couldn't burden him any more, so I lied.
Nothing was clearer to me than the fact that I wouldn't stay here without him, because there was nothing to keep me here. And I would never spend my life watching him and Gally and all the others suffer.
With Newt next to me I had somehow managed to hold out. But if he was no longer with me, it would break me to see how they suffered, I was sure of that.
Still I nodded and whispered: "I promise."
That was enough for him. He wrapped his arms around me, pulled me close and kissed me. It was different than the other times before. More intense and so full of emotion that I was completely overwhelmed. I held on to his back with one hand and stroked through his soft hair with the other. We held each other so tightly that I almost had the feeling that we were merging together, so natural his warmth felt on me.
As we sat and kissed, something changed between us. His lips on mine became somehow more pressing, more demanding, but never so that it felt weird. It was just different.
I kissed him back the same way and for the first time I felt a desire inside me that I had never felt before. Never before and not during a kiss with him before. As if I wanted to go on, even if I was not yet sure what it meant. And I could feel that Newt was feeling the same way.
But he seemed to know a bit more about what he was doing, even though I was sure he had never been with anyone like that before. He shifted his weight a little and pushed me down until I landed gently on the stone. Still we had not moved an inch apart and I could now feel his heart beating faster than normal. I was sure that my pulse was also elevated, because I noticed that my breath was going faster and again I felt this incredible tingling sensation.
Somehow and without me really noticing it, I had taken Newt's T-shirt off and was only wearing my bra myself. Now I could also feel my heart beating up to my neck.
What just happened here? In the middle of the roof of WICKED, where we were not even allowed to be?
I decided that I didn't care. I just wanted to switch off my thoughts of all this and enjoy the moment.
I was absolutely sure that what we were doing here was the right thing and I didn't want to be anywhere else but here. With Newt. Right now.
When he opened my trousers, he paused briefly and looked at me examining.
"Is that okay with you? I don't want to -"
But I interrupted him. "Please, continue." And when he had taken off my pants and kissed me again, I whispered between kisses: "I want this right here, right now, just with you."
I felt him nod as he gently kissed my neck. I quickly sat up a bit to get to his trousers and open them too. He had to help me because my hands were shaking a little and then threw them aside like the rest of our things.
The thought flashed through my mind for a moment that we had to be careful that nothing fell off the roof, making me smile, but I quickly forgot it again, because Newt now put his lips back on mine.
This time I got so lost in that moment that everything that followed seemed like a beautiful dream.
I remembered later that I felt a burning pain for a moment, but it went away very quickly because he was just so incredibly careful. And after this point was overcome, everything felt good inside of me, as if I was in another world, all alone with Newt, and as if we were living a completely carefree and wonderful life, without WICKED, the flare and an earth scorched by the sun. I forgot that we had barely a week together and also that I wanted to try to save the children. I stopped thinking about the maze, about my future, about anything.
All my thoughts were focused on this very moment.
And even when it was over and I was in Newt's arms, I just put my head on his chest and held him tightly without thinking of anything else but him.
After we had looked silently into the starry sky, Newt was the first to say anything.
"I love you. And that will not change even in 100 memory chambers."
"I love you, too. And that will never change."
We kissed again and this time the kiss was different than before. It felt somehow more perfect and as if we had now crossed all boundaries with each other.
"We should go back," Newt said after we had separated again.
I nodded. He was right, we should really try to sleep a little more.
We gathered our things and got dressed again. Then we made our way back into the shaft and then through the air shafts to our room. Once there, we went to bed and actually fell asleep again, cuddled up close together.
As I slowly drifted away and listened to Newt's calm breathing, I was sure that I had never felt as comfortable and secure as I did at that moment.