his gloves and her knives: a collection of kanej one-shots

what is life without you to breathe it into me?

a/n: hello there! i decided to merge all my fics into one big story for one shots. i'll be adding more on whenever i write them. hope you enjoy (and apologies if you've already read this one).

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Kaz had never dropped his cane before. It was a part of him, the feel of the crow, the sleekness of the handle; they were family. But this time, he didn't care. His knees buckled. There was blood all around him and this would have been normal if it was a normal day. But this time it wasn't because it was her blood.

"It's okay, Kaz." Her voice was gentle, as though she was consoling him. As though she wasn't the one bleeding out in a dirty alley.

"No it's not." His voice came out as rough as sandpaper.

The knife Inej had been stabbed with lay at her side, streaked with her blood and dirt from the floor. Pain flashed across Kaz's eyes as Inej groaned and pressed her hand to the blood rapidly blooming across her stomach. With ragged breaths he tried to pick her up. There had to be some way he could get a medic. He needed there to be a way. The feeling of Inej's bare hand on his ungloved one stilled him. One shuddering breath. Two.

"It's too late. I-- I have to go now. I know the Saints will keep me well. You must keep the-- the Dregs running."

"You know I-- Who will be my Wraith? I can't lose y-my-"

"Invest-- Investment?" Inej smiled. It was a tired smile. Kaz found the words being wrenched out of him. "Don't say that. You are worth much more than you can ever know." He averted his gaze, his face heating up. This was emotion beyond anything he had ever shown before. He felt exposed. Vulnerable. Human.

"Thank you. I will-- alwa- always be here, Kaz. I--"

The light went out of her eyes. Kaz gagged. His hand trembled as he moved it towards her neck to check her pulse. A sharp intake of breath. The water was rising. Inej would have told him to breathe. To relax. But now she wasn't breathing and he didn't have any bloody way to make sure that she was-- Gone. His hand moved of his own accord. No bloated, waterlogged body. Only soft, smooth skin. No pulse.

No pulse. The waves rose.
He would never admit it, but Kaz screamed that day. Perhaps not a scream that could be heard, but a scream nonetheless. He screamed but he did not shed tears. His heart, no matter how small and starved, did not let him. For Inej's sake.

For Dirtyhands did not cry. He destroyed.

After what seemed like hours, Kaz Brekker, bastard of the Barrel, rose. Gloves on, cane in hand, he walked out of that alley. It was said that as he made his way to the Dime Lions' hideout, he left a trail of devastation behind. And when he finally reached his destination, with the image of Inej's body in front of his eyes, he avenged her.

It was the most profound form of love he knew.

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a/n: i apologise for how sad this was but i was having some major kanej feels when i wrote this so i couldn't help it :(( please leave a comment to help me improve!