Genshin Impact On Crack & Oneshots

Prank Call

Childe = Felipe
Zhongli = Mondo
Signora = Fool
Venti = Receptionist That Cried Angry Snezhnayan
Barbara = Other Receptionist
Lumine = Security Guard

Today, my friend Zhongli tells me,"Signora, you know what? Childe is always messing with us. Why don't you mess with him?"

I go, "What should I do?"

He goes," Why don't you prank call him?"

I go," Dude . . . That's a good idea!"

Like a little kid, right, I picked up the phone, I was like, boop, boop, boop, ring.

"Hehehe."

"We're so stupid," Signora tried not to laugh.

Childe sighed and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hello sir," Signora started," Hi, this is the front desk, listen, we're having a report of a lot of noise coming from your room. Do you think you could please keep the noise down?"

"I'm sorry, fool," Childe apologized," I didn't know I'm making noise."

"Thank you sir, please keep it down," Signora told him.

"Okay," Childe hung up.

10 minutes later, called 'em back.

"Hehehe!"

Zhongli was laughing.

"Shut up, dude, shut up," Signora told him, trying not to laugh as well.

Childe slammed the door open and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"HELLO SIR! Hi, front desk again, listen. Obviously you did not understand what I said earlier about the noise. You need to keep the noise down!"

"But I'm not—"

"SIR, LISTEN!" Signora interrupted him midway through the sentence. "You either keep down the noise, or we're gonna call the authorities."

Childe on the other end, was fuming.

"Okay . . . I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

And before I hung up the phone, I said this,

"Damn Snezhnayans."

Childe's eye twitched.

You guys swear to god the Archon War started all over again. He was mad. He came running over to the door, right, he started pounding on the door, right.

"Open the door!"

Both of them laughed.

"Oh, we got him, we got him!" Signora patted the cackling Zhongli.

"Alright, shut up dude, shut up, SHUT UP!" Signora was still laughing.

"What's up dude?"

"Signora, you're not gonna believe it. This hotel is racist."

"Really?" Signora asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Oh, that lady at the front desk, she doesn't like Snezhnayans," Childe replied.

"Well, what are you gonna do about it?" Signora asked Childe.

"Oh, I'm gonna shoot her," Childe answered.

"Dude, nobody shooting anybody! Maybe you just need to go talk to her! Zhongli, tell him!" Signora had a thin stream of sweat trailing down the side of her face.

"Yeah, you should go talk!" Zhongli added nervously.

"Signora, that's what I'm gonna do."

So he starts walking away, I'm like,"Zhongli, we gotta go see this, right?"

So we start following him to the lobby, right? Childe gets mad halfway through and starts running. I'm like," Dude, don't run! Me and Zhongli go like Hercules, Hercules!"

Try'na run, Childe reaches the lobby, like 30 seconds before we do, right? And keep in mind, the girls at the counter— they don't know what's goin' on. They're doing their job, they're checking people in, they're giving out keys, right? They're like, "Ok, thank you, please come again. 'Kay, here you go. Here's your keys, sign here," Barbara said politely.

And here come Childe, right?

"Ok! Which one of you bitches hate Snezhnayans?!"

And they started freaking out, "Oh my god, there's an angry Snezhnayan!" Venti exclaimed, "Oh my god, look it's not my fault that the Treasure Hoarders didn't win, ok?! Don't take it out on me please, ok?!"

So he keeps yelling at her, goin' back at her back and forth, right? This and that. Finally Zhongli and I make it to the lobby all winded, right?

Both of their hands were on their knees and they were hyperventilating.

"Childe!" Signora yelled at him, tired. "Childe, don't do it dude, don't do it!"

"Signora, shut up, you don't know what's goin' on!"

"Childe, I can explain everything!" Signora exclaimed, still winded by her running.

"Signora, shut the hell up!"

All of a sudden, a security guard comes in, grabs Childe, and starts trying to put him down. I'm like, "Oh, should I let this get out of hand? I gotta break this up!"

"Childe, let me explain!" Signora tried again.

"Signora, shut the hell up!"

So I grabbed his ear and I said, "SIR!"

Everyone was staring at the scene unfolding.

"You're gonna have to keep the noise down."

"Signora," Childe started, "Was that you?"

"Yes sir," Signora looked down, guilty.

"You're an asshole, Signora," Childe told her, his other arm being held by Lumine.

"I know, sir," Signora told him, "But it was funny, huh?"