Heliophilia; d.m

XIV

TW: a description of death.

—

A year before where we were now, things were different.
We'd been sitting in our empty, cold rooms, entertaining ourselves just by watching the snow fall outside, but now we had each other.
And this little warmth in our souls was enough to keep us warm even on the coldest nights.

—

DRACO

Before I knew it, it was Christmas time.

A time when... nothing changed. It was just a word, just an ordinary day and night for me and my family.

I've never waited for Christmas, I've never waited for presents, I've never thought of Christmas as anything out of the ordinary. My parents never had a holiday in our house, and until I was seven, I didn't even know there were any holidays, except for my birthday, on which my parents only gave me gifts.

And now nothing has changed.

I sat on the windowsill in my room, watching the setting sun shine through the window, and my eyes were blinded by the sight of sparkling snow.

Unconsciously, I thought of Violet.

I wondered what she was doing, if she was celebrating Christmas, if she was excited about it, and if she was making wishes.

I wondered if she saw the glittering snow outside her window, as I did.

I always wondered what kind of house she had, what kind of room she had, what kind of view she had outside the window. Perhaps I would like to visit her or have her visit me. But that was unlikely, because even though I didn't know her that well, I knew for a fact that she wouldn't have been allowed.

Her family cared about her, and that was another difference between us.

When I came home for a short time, I hardly saw my parents. I spent my time alone, in an empty huge house or in an equally empty huge area around the house, and my parents were not there. Or they were, but went about their business, not paying attention to me. For many years of this, I got used to it, and it did not offend me. It became something ordinary.

And the irony was that i had called Violet an orphan, but the only orphan there was me.

I looked out the window again, noticing that the sun had already disappeared behind the snow-covered trees, plunging everything into the coming darkness.

Lately, the darkness, for some reason, has been giving me obsessive thoughts about something bad. And at that moment, I started to feel bad about what I hadn't told Violet yet. I wasn't going to hide it, but I still couldn't find the courage to face her and tell everything.

It didn't really matter, but I knew Violet wouldn't like it. I was afraid of ruining what we had just gained. I needed her, and I didn't want to lose her.

Was it what people call falling in love?

VIOLET

"Violet?" After a short knock, my father came into my room with a small box in his hand.

I put the book down and sat up in bed, looking at him questioningly, waiting for what he had to say.

"I have something for you." He sat down next to me, handing me a box covered in black velvet. I noticed that he looked at it with a bit of sadness, and when I opened the lid, I realized why.