Heliophilia; d.m

XXIII

VIOLET

I was afraid. I was really afraid of what he might do. He was known as an all-powerful, cruel, ruthless mage — a Dark Lord who didn't know what mercy was.

He was playing with other people's lives so simply, not caring about their feelings or their pleas. And he did the same to me. He intimidated me, forced me to obey him, to serve faithfully, and to fulfill all his demands without question.

He explored me, looking for my weak spots to hit, and he knew that for the sake of keeping those I cared about safe, I was willing to do anything. Therefore, I had to narrow down the circle of those whose death he could intimidate me with. I just didn't have a choice.

I pushed Draco away, I didn't respond to any of Kristen's letters, which she wrote consistently once a week, I didn't respond to Mariel's and my father's letters, to which I could wring tears out of, I didn't leave the room the three times they came there, I just wanted to stop existing for them if it meant Voldemort couldn't get to them.

It was difficult for me, I was lonely, I felt empty and exhausted, I felt like I saw the world in grey colors, I felt like I lost interest in everything that was around me.
Day after day, week after week, I seemed to forget my old life and all the things that had once brought me happiness.

I fell deeper and deeper into the pit — into the abyss, from which I did not know how to get out.

—

"Perfect timing." I heard Bellatrix's voice behind me as I appeared in the manor's living room, just in time for breakfast. Rubbing my sleepy eyes, I went to the table and sat down in my usual place, under the gaze of Narcissa and Bellatrix. And I couldn't help but be pleased with the fact that there was no one else there except the three of us, these were rare moments.

"Miss, your tea." A few seconds later, one of the house elves appeared beside me, holding a large, steaming mug.

I mumbled my thanks and immediately wrapped the hot glass with my frozen hands — it was especially cold that day.

On the plate in front of me was already a blueberry croissant, my favorite, the sight of which made my stomach twist with hunger. It had been four hours since I'd woken up, and I hadn't even had time to take a sip of water, let alone eat.

"So, where were you with your... father?" Bellatrix said, putting her elbows on the table, and leaning her head closer to me, "What did you do?"

"Just a little trip. Here... there, killed some people and came back. Morning exercise, nothing special." I mumbled matter-of-factly, wiping the berry jam from the corner of my lips. And I wasn't lying, I could not even imagine that I would ever have to do such vile and cruel things in my life.

Bellatrix chuckled, ruffling her mop of curly hair, and with a strange gleam in her eyes, she spoke again,

"But what exactly—"

"Leave her alone," Narcissa interrupted, placing her dainty hand on the arm of her sister, "Let her eat in peace." She gave me a faint smile, nodding curtly.

She always treated me with understanding, never bothered me with unnecessary questions, and protected me, if you could call it that, from Bellatrix.

Bellatrix, for her part, never missed a chance to prick me, unsettle me, or hurt me. It was her nature to annoy me, to constantly attack and provoke me. But even though I couldn't call myself strong and resilient lately, I didn't react to her words or actions, because I knew she was only amused. And I wouldn't give her any more reason to be even more amused.