365 Days || Iwaoi

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Is it rude to profess your undying love at a funeral?

I love him, I truly do. I love him, but I was too much of a pussy to tell him while he was still alive.

I thought he was supposed to be my best friend, I thought we were supposed to go through everything together, I thought we were doing well.

But no, he fucking left me, he left me all alone in a world I have yet to adapt to. He left me, a minnow amongst an ocean of predators. Is it fair to be mad at him? Is it fair to blame him for the way my life has gone since he killed himself?

We made promises. We made so many fucking promises but he couldn't seem to keep the only one that mattered. Is it my fault?

Am I the reason that he killed himself? Is it because of me that he decided that he couldn't stand living anymore? Is it because of me that he decided life was bland, that it was lackluster? Is it because of me that he decided to jump?

What did I do wrong? I sacrificed everything just to stay by his side. I even took him to Argentina with me, since he said he couldn't stand the thought of being away from me that long. He told me that the rude behavior in high school was in an attempt to make me hate him, a feeble attempt to make my departure hurt less.

I refused to give up on him, just like I promised. You see, I can keep my promises. We had ten rules, or promises, that's it. It's not a long or difficult list, but he always seemed to have trouble following the rules.