365 Days || Iwaoi

Day 5

"Oiki, what the absolute fuck was that? You can't just say shit like that in your eulogy!"

I just nodded, flinching with every venomous word that spilled from Makki's lips.

I fucked up. I knew it, Makki knew it, everyone at the fucking funeral knew it, and I wouldn't be surprised if fucking camera crews knew it too, even though they were forced to stay far away.

That's one part of our jobs that Hajime always hated. The moment reporters heard anything of Olympic gold-medalist Oikawa Tooru or Olympic trainer Iwaizumi Hajime, they flocked like geese to a loaf of bread, sure to be bitterly disappointed in the end.

"I can't believe you just said that, 'Kawa."

Mattsun had a softer tone than that of Makki, but I still flinched at the words.

I can't fucking believe that instead of talking about how amazing of a person my Iwa-chan was, how great of a roommate, how phenomenal of a best friend, I fucking confessed my undying love to him.

I don't believe in an afterlife, but if one does exist, I'm sure Hajime would be cussing me out and using the nicknames he gave me so long ago, calling me shittykawa and trashykawa and asking how I could be so unbelievably stupid.

"I-I know. I'm a dumbass, I know I fucked up, I know I had years to fucking tell him but I was too much of a pussy to do it until he was fucking dead. I know I ruined everything. I don't need you to tell me that."

The bed in Makki and Mattsun's home is so incredibly cold. Everything is cold.

I heard Makki sigh and I heard him shuffle over to where I was sitting with my knees drawn to my chest. I flinched a little when he sat next to me, and the arm he wrapped around me felt foreign.

Sure, he had hugged me before, but it should be Hajime hugging me. Not Makki. His grip was all too wrong, the bones in his elbow were too sharp, the muscles weren't firm enough. It wasn't his fault at all, I knew that, and yet I despised the touch.

I didn't tell him any of this, and I didn't tell Mattsun to get his face off of my knees when he came over to me as well. They're trying to make you feel better, dumbass. Don't be a dick.

I know that. I know that they weren't ever the ones who had to console me, that even Tobio knew how to make me feel better more than these two did, but they had always had Hajime hold me while they did stupid shit to distract me.

Now that he isn't here, they have to hold me. Nobody is here to distract me, nobody is here to make me that stupid strawberry vanilla chamomile tea they always kept stocked for me.

Nobody was here to do that, because even these four arms weren't enough to hold a match to just one of Hajime's.