February 19, 2018 Day 1
Iwa-chan,
Why did you do it?
You promised me that we would stay by each other's sides, forever. What happened to that? What happened to rules one and three? Was it that hard for you to stay safe? What could you not tell me?
I want to understand, Hajime. You are- were my safety. Spending time with you at the end of every long day was what kept me happy. Our little conversations over tea and coffee were some of my favourites, though the times that you came home silently and came straight to me were nice as well.
I can still feel the warmth and weight of holding you in those moments, I can feel the way your hair tickled my knuckles as I ran my fingers through it. I found myself humming the same song earlier.
You promised me that you would always tell me when something is wrong. You even seemed happier than usual the last few weeks. So why is it that I'm the one sitting here, writing this letter, and you're the one getting laid to rest, six feet underground, in only three days?
It isn't fucking fair, Hajime. Why did you leave me? I was supposed to die first! I'm the one who was terribly mean to innocent people, I am the conceited one, I'm the one who overworked myself and still wasn't fucking good enough. I'm the one who laid awake at night, wondering if I was strong enough to keep going.
So why the hell am I alive, why is blood running through my veins, while you lay cold and dead on the examiner's table?
Fuck you, Hajime. Fuck. You.
Tooru
YOU ARE READING
365 Days || Iwaoi
FanfictionIn which Iwaizumi Hajime is dead and Oikawa Tooru writes him a letter every day for 365 days, blaming himself the whole way. TW: major character death, anxiety, self-harm, suicide, hospitals, drinking, drugs
